Ancora la (anchors)

When the pain bubbles up;

rises to the surface

so much so with such intensity that the anchor you once had begins to drag itself across the ocean floor

you find yourself engulfed

drowning in the choke of images rushing throughout your mind.

I found hate in the people that I had once entrusted with my life

dismissal

even possessing inherent knowledge of goodness and clearity, they couldn't stand with the strength that I knew that they did so bury within the daily grind of life.

I found myself caught between a war of love and hate;

when all I wanted was peace

release from the rigors of taking care of everyone else

a time

a few moments to just free fall back

But as I have always found

always

one standing order in my life

that no one affords this

Funny thing about strength;

most people cannot let go of it, even when it is not of their own making.

Like a thief they steal, fight, undermine just to feel it again.

For the brave however

it either burdens until a break

or it is fully embraced

I fall somewhere in the middle-not out of indecisiveness but because I am the exception.

The worst has already happened to me

I swam out into the middle

refusing to take sides

ever

I had to contemplate

realize an impossible dream

I do understand now that the only people who overcome the struggle are those who can ignore the hate

topple the word "no"

walk when it feels like the world wants you run

pushing you

pulling you back

Times like these

I ask why I have been devastated so?

And I realize that it is a necessity to begin a new venture.

When I hear the phrase "time will tell" even in its own pristine truth, one fact remains;

simple yet true

I am but a mere relfection of my heart and minds demeanor

I love mightily

I stay, I fight

but when I go...when I leave, I never return.

I reflect on the past...but that is all you'll ever know of me again...

I have this whole new life ahead of me

marred with a disturbance

a darkness

On the eve of such happiness

I'm tortured by the inability to seize the moment with bravado

all that I can offer is myself

my gift

past that, I'm just that little girl locked in the cellar trying to cope until help arrived

beyond the salvation craved

I couldn't find justice

so I created my own

did it right for everyone around me

I held stay;

strength

and

tonight

I fall

back into that darkness with little or no understanding from the beam of light

the flicker that provides hope

Previenent Grace...

I can't change those around me

only myself

I'm not a victim

not a survivor.

Just me, and right now that seems to be far too much trouble for the generals.

I phoned my captain.

Rang him with the news that I was headed for the open seas.

He didn't hear it in my voice, grasp the depth of my conviction.

But if anyone

and I mean anyone could bear the brunt of the storm

navigate the waters

it is the one with nothing to lose

My anchor, burdened with its own rust and decay

is metal of the truest beauty

for if there is one thing that I have learned sailing

is that no voyage should ever be taken on

with no ancora la to ground those who would venture

those who would seek home

in the fantastic

The day of embarkment arrives for us all

some purchase tickets to announce

some stow away

cower to the mass

others work to pay their way

but a select few...well they place their own hat on; their style, their passion and they steer...
they chart

they dare...

Tonight I see the cost

I weep as I did when I first realized that this was to be my life

regardless of where it would be lived

The only place of peace for a Saint is Sanctuaire.

The only Sanctuarie that exists that I know of is across the great waters...

The only way to cross

was to reveal my story...

Lift the anchor...
sail with bravado

The last few weeks have been incredible. Highs and lows that would have brought a weather man to tears. I want to take the time to thank everyone who had their hand in the project: Pater Nostras canis Dirus "The Garrison Effect" (found on authorhouse.com) especially Marshall Wayne who came in early with his fan website. We're emerging from the margin and without your support who would know???

Michael Turner who's friendship is invaluable, see you in Napa Valley.

John...well we compliment each others abilities, I admire your shoulder to shoulder attitude.

Sam for understanding that sometimes even the warrior has to relinquish some battles to win the war. Belief is key for life long love.

Doug...

You're home.

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews