In this Existance

Writing this early so because I'm going to be busy this next week.

Hope that you enjoy!

And no, the photos do not depict the following prose, in fact, just thought the photo was sweet and funny.

John (Brodrick) was exceptionally kind with his time and energy for the photo shoot.

I recieve a considerable amount of e mails requesting the sub text, etc.

What I'd like to remark to you is this: amongst my close friends I wouldn't reveal anything detremental to their well being.

Nor would I reveal too much of my personal life, although you'd find if you met me that I'm not far removed from my character in the novels, aside of the super werewolf abilities...

(Laughing)

Hmmm that might be something to reach for though...

So, no, this is not for you to read and think harshly of anyone.

Had a dream, wrote it down.

I placed this photo here because I wanted you to gather a glimpse, a candid one, of the photo shoot.

It was a blast!

Saws

In this existance

We're falling down

Drowning from the noise just beyond

our capture

You cannot possibly hold onto me

with promises broken

lies emergence

Your name is not yours alone

one that should have not been taken

not from me

You either are

in this existance

or you aren't

This is my dispute

my tell to pull

rip

tear from your eyes

shatter your views

I hold the mirror up to what flashes

before my eyes

Second glance to you afforded

Until then

until I finally saw the true

not my truth

nor his

I simply saw true

bore its witness

when his smile

that man,

that one in a million

humans' smile

took me back, with remarked surprise

We fell down

onto the pavement

in laughter

in recognition

the moment bringing the floor from up beneath us

We faultered

didn't remain on our backs however

our hands clasped

the fear dissipated

we forged ahead

by your lead

I saw the flash of sadness

in the past

within his green eyes

he had no way of knowing

that we always reclaim

what has been lost to us

Your well wasn't deep

the walls unsteady

to maintain

rushing waters

that only longed for freedom within

the perimeters

of natural beauty

rugged and knowing

Divine discomfort

for we three

when there can only be one with one

At your insistance

your name

was in fact his path

all along

To own desire for the all that is is he

without the mans foundation

you simply hold no substance

with no true comprehension

you fell

down

to your knees

in utter regret

For the first

the remembrance amongst your circle

arrives much to late

Beauty radiates

not always where we would expect

as I myself found

discovered

when his name revealed itself

That you were not the truth

in the manner

in which you had presented yourself

In this existance

he steals what would be yours

and so we all shall fall

to varying degrees...

Yet still my hand extends

if not to help a friend

though he looms over

pulling me away

not desiring us all

to fall

completely

In this existance...

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews

Malak

Okay, I recieved too many e mails etc. not to respond, so here it goes...

please keep in mind that this is FICTION lol

As I lye next to him, I thought to myself that this was foolish.

He should simply state what was on both of our minds,

clear the air...

I subsequently did so, because being northern and all of its implications

meant that being friends

we are true in this endevour

always

I was never concerned with his judgements, or preconceptions

for as we are up at lands' end

our vests are surely full and guarded

though our speech pattern is open and brisk

I simply afford time to allow the tell to unfold

Laying that close

I could feel the pain residing in his chest

I felt terrible for his loss

yet there was nothing that I could do

to alleviate

except reveal the truth

He has a kind heart, though a bruised soul

he is adored

by many

I imagine that they never took the real time to get to know his truth

how sad I thought

as my legs entwined with his

My heart isn't in stow

it's far removed

I had to

because I'm an all or nothing proposition

hard to live with

I can see

Yet it is a worthwhile journey

to take

I can't bring you to that field

to run free

if you're removed from who you really are

I'm built from bricks of life experiences that most would've faultered

knowing

Yet build I did

it's who I am

but I left windows

tore down the walls

eventually

so there would be no glass

just open breezes flowing in...

You might ask

would I

if he asked it of me

the one who defined the boundries

I would grin

at the assumption that he could set me in a place where boundries held someone such as I

to answer the question however

it would take his all

and than some

Anything worthwhile brings you to the cliffs of reason

and test your resolve

I'm no easy win

I stand

I may even glance

but only would relinquish my will to the man who would truly be Declan

Everyone inquires

remarking that Declan is a massive ego, awful sort

he's not

he simply defies what most women would percieve as beautiful

I was given a photo

sometime ago

graphic in nature

I never saw what he wanted me to

I only noticed his arms

wondered if they were strong enough to hold

Had he asked he'd of known

He asked me why I never look directly into his eyes when we speak

because he'd see me

and I wasn't certain that I wouldn't place harm on him

certainly didn't desire to.

I simply don't give too much away

not so quickly

As he lye there

I felt the very same comfort

missing it now

wondering why I do.

I don't see what everyone else sees in him

I see his heart.

I'm hopeful that another will see him this way

so that he might find peace

As we lye there a photographer began taking pictures

I leaned into him swearing of course

rolling over

not wanting the moment captured

it resignated in our memory

and I believe that that is enough

He has the one word to stop me

should he desire

before I run again,

Malak

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews

Uncompromising friends

He lye next to her, if not to just feel her body pressed up against his.

This provided him a great deal of comfort.

If I had it my way this moment would not be wasted by simply laying next to one another.

Yet it has to be

Because I defined she and I as friends

alone

I did so because through comparison and pre judgement

she simply didn't measure up to my standards.

Though in saying that

there is something that remains

I knew she felt it as well

But hide this I must

For myself, I cannot expose my insecurities or hurt

for her

I promised her that I wouldn't hurt her heart

I did though

Truly I hold regret for this action

However, I wasn't set aware until it was far to late

to make the correction

She suffered beneath me

greatly, at personal cost

quite a difficult thing for a man to bare

Still, I vested

What else could I do?

I apologized, though by her eyes telling

she would forgive, but her heart would stow away from mine

Unless

Unless I did what I never do

expound on the base that I had set out for we two.

I'd have to lay her down again and reach into her pyche

force her to see me

for who I truly am

the man that I could be

with her

I have no plans to do so

nor does she

She's turned cold to my touch

so distant

remote

worlds away

And so I lay there

longing to take her into my arms,

to reveal my love (as a friend) to her

to offer reassurence

comfort the woman that I had harmed

But I said nothing

She knew

realized

long before I

There is a tremendous amount that she holds to her heart

while watching me

dance around

or in this case

lye next to her

I pretended to slumber

it felt wonderful to feel her soft touch upon my shoulders

covering me up from the relentless wind

with her own shirt

amusing

to know that she can't handle a chill

yet she gave of herself so freely

worried for my comfort

it touched me

I don't necessarily live with regret

but she warned me

that she'd become my greatest one

I'm beginning to realize that she just may be right

But my heart tells me that she isn't the one

how could she be?

My intuition has never steered me wrong in the past

why would it suddenly do so now?

How could I know that all of the signals were getting jammed?

I want to be a stay man

I want to be the man that provides an equality in a relationship

but she offers me nothing in return

her judgement of myself

was no less than mine of her

Yet in the night she enters my dreams

and I hers

I want to be there

I want her to love me

with an un fair completeness

how could I feel such with a tender heart of another?

Enforcing my will means that she will suffer

hurt continuelly

I remain distant

I leave her to her life

I don't pursue

I follow the others who would not love me at that uncomprable level

because it is easier

it feels correct

and they do love

I often wonder why it is that she cannot love me?

But if I asked

what would she say?

would it devastate

would I even care at this point?

With so much past us, I can't imagine that I would

However

I wonder

as I lay here

comforted by the feel of her legs entwined in mine

why I speak naught

but we are only friends

right?

*************

The photo shoot for the first release was done over the weekend, wow it was unique!

The talent of the two men was apparent in their work. Thank you John Brodrick and Grant Reid for all that you do!

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews

Ethan Hastings

Wasn't she something to arrive here, at this time?

I hadn't expected it so soon, in fact I felt rather ambiguous about pressing her for more than the prior meeting at the Oasis.

We had eaten together, amongst the others, my friends, family in religion.

I was to be the one chosen and was formally aknowledged at the meeting, which for me on a personal level

quite validating.

Grateful that she had been there to hear it for herself.

Why not? If one man is to be exhalted, to do so amongst others offers a man a great deal of pride.

Perhaps that is what drew her to my offices in the first.

She had somewhat an idea of who I am. Afterall, she wouldn't have been Sawyer without the research would she now?

I looked over to her, remarkably comfortable amongst our kind. She knew us all to well, but this was to be the way of it wasn't it yes? Sawyers comfort zone was amongst her own.

For myself, this is where I thrive; religion aside, the thrill of the conquest being one thing, substantiating it quite another. I held stay.

This she recognized in my person on the immediate.

I held gratitude for that gift.

I wanted to be known by her, relished in her inquisitive mind, particularly regarding myself.

And now she was here, to challenge me no doubt. Neither one of us having a remote idea of what the future would hold for us.

Just recalling the memory of that second meeting brings elation.

Sexy, passionate the both of us, and what would further define we.

She wore a tan pencil skirt, white blouse, no shoes...unyielding to my immediate will, I decidingly to refuse hers.

To get what she wanted however, Sawyer was willing to compromise.

Afford me a bite to her shoulder and she would be afforded a glance at the Grand Grimoir.

Why not?

She'd know our ways soon enough yes?

Her blood tasted rich, soothing really...

I held her in my arms for a considerable amount of time afterwards, reluctant to allow the moment to pass us.

That was her you know?

A contridiction to be certain.

Sawyer didn't flinch, perhaps that is why I knew that she'd be mine at some point.

Standing on the mount, sword in hand, today I fight for what was mine all along.

I will never afford Brodrick his passion, his quest.

Today I slay the man who would see himself take on the Dire, the werewolf...

He knows naught what he gathers in the way of a fight.

He will lose everything beyond this fight he seeks with myself.

Brodrick goes to the summerlands without her in hand...

Ethan Hastings