The Santonniere

Hello. It's been quite the busy week, filled with Holiday and joy, hoping that yours was filled with very much the same...

From the Santonniere:

They had been previously introduced on another occasion. What struck him the most was her ability to see directly to the quick

She was not his type, if he indeed had any...
Still, his thoughts raced back time and time again to ones of her...

He immediately noticed her from across the room, laughing at a rather impossible joke...
She had an uncanny ability to draw others into her banter
this was evident by the men surrounding her person, all intent on etching a word or two in the conversation

Nearly a mountain climb were she involved

She turned to see him, leaning on the bar stool.
Private party or no, he clung to his old ways with a decisive manner, unwilling to alter his actions on this night or any other

Her verbose actions ceased as she began to stare in his direction
awkwardly causing anyone within visual contact to, in turn, glare at him as well.
She gently bent down
removed her black high heels
and began to walk in his direction, stopping just short of his person.

With no remark she tenderly lay her shoes at his feet.
She grinned wickedly and proceeded to walk away from him, navigating the agitated and curious crowd to reach the patio door.

She stood, patiently waiting for a male to aknowledge her pressence and open the glass door for her.
She gingerly stepped outside, manuevered herself to the very edge of the shallow end of the inground pool.
There she stood...
Anticipating that he would follow...

And so he did.
He gathered one last sip of his whiskey
set the heavy, thick glass down and promptly forced his way through the bewildered guests,
casting them aside easily, as he was known to do.

The beautiful slender women took notice, feeling rather put off that he'd even bother to entertain such folly
with a woman who was clearly not a beautiful counterpart

Her uniqueness
troubled them so
Who was she to capture his attention?

He opened the door to the outdoor patio
walked directly over to the deep end and stood
he felt the weight of their stares
through the grand windows exposing the massive pool and stone floors...

He cared nothing for their opinion
why should he?
He had had enough of their mediocre 'fast lane' lives
it bored him to tears of frustration
He removed his shoes, socks, all the while looking over to her amber eyes
soft and yielding she inherently knew his soul without question
His suit jacket, crisp white shirt, belt and trousers all feel to the wayside.

He paused momentarily as if to silently request that her armani dress finds its way to the stone beneath her tiny feet
She reached behind; un zipped, glad to be rid of the tight, pretentious wardrobe that she had only worn because it was hanging on the hanger closest to the closet door.
She stood proudly in her satin black slip
the satin caressed her curves

He surely to took notice of the liberation
in only black boxers he dove into the deep, warm water and swam beneath the water without breath taken until he reached the shallow end

He stood, running his hands through his wet hair
held his hands out stretched for her to join him
she allowed herself to limberly fall into his waiting embrace
the slip, now soaked with the rushing water clung to her
she placed her hands into both of his and raised them over her head,
her blonde hair cascading down her arched back

"Hello"
"I'm surprised that you lost the suit"
"Mmm baby girl it's just a suit"
"Well you look as good this way, just now"
"Is that a fact?"
"It is"
"You look simply beautiful...what game are we playing my love?"
"No game. It's just hot out"
"Ah, is that all this is?"
He forcefully pushed their hands down, disengaged and wrapped his massive arms around her tiny waist "Swim with me"
Not really able to resist his strength of will she allowed him to carry her throughout the pool, all the while locking her into the heavy glare of his eyes...
"Perhaps you should come home with me..."
she laughed
"This is your home"
"Well..."
"You are underappreciated. Unloved because no one has ever seen your truth"
"Oh I'm loved, just not by you...yet"
"Think I will? Love you?"
"In time, yes, yes you will"
"And why should I do that?"
"Because you know me"
"We've only met twice"
"Mmm this is true, but look where that has brought us thus far"
"You're hard to resist, I'll grant you that"
"You haven't asked my name"
"No I haven't"
"Why is that?"
"It doesn't really matter"
"Why?"
"Because I can see who you are when I look into your eyes, feel your heart when you touch me"
"You're adorable"
"Ugh, like a puppy, how simply unflattering"
He laughed openly
"Definitely not like a lil puppy. More like a beautiful wild flower that has gone unnoticed...til now"
"Does that line actually work on women?"
"I don't know, is it working?"
"No"
"Hmmm, let me try again then. You placed your shoes down at my feet to offer compliance when you'd not offer it to anyone else correct?"
"Correct"
"You waited for me, out here to see if I'd match your desire to be overwhelmed, yes?"
"Yes"
"Well I'm here, you're in my arms, I'd say that its working plenty well enough so far"
"So far isn't for me. I'm deserving of so very much more"
"What do you want?"
"Everything. I want to understand everything that is you"
"Why?"
"You intrigue me"
"Ditto. So where do we go from here honey?"
"I would imagine that you should kiss me just now"
"Is that what you want?"
"To feel your lips pressed against mine? Yes, very much so"

He leaned down and placed his mouth to hers, affording the want to fully realize its fruition.
Rather than cease after several minutes, he continued...not truly ever wanting the moment to end.
He swirled their bodies to the silent melody of the passionate embrace, allowing the warm waters to intensify the sensation...
"Come into me honey"
"We couldn't get much closer"
"We could...if you allowed it...."

Well thats it for this week!
Enjoy your time

From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews

Back around...

So very much left unspoken between you and I

So much left undone

We lost ourselves long ago, to the past; the last go around

We ended much to soon

for you

for me

I cried when you left...you know?

You were a dream left unfulfilled- it's not something a man readily admits to himself

or others

my voice remains silent

perhaps it's better that way

for you



Even today as I wake, shower, looking into the mirror seeing a mere shell of the man that I once was

'vibrant' they'd remark

fools to not comprend the loss

of you



As I glance around my world today

many friends, a multitude of blessings surrounding my person-

all set forth to inspire me along the way...

this path of mine that I scripted, penned

all those years ago...



My brother brought me home

to heal a bit,

I'd suppose

The unconditional love of a family to remind me of the importance of living a life worthy

and for a time

I felt happy



But to open the door

turn the latch

knowing that you are simply not going to be there to rush into my arms

sinks my spirits



I just knew that we were going to work...I knew this. My heart proclaimed it so very loudly

I hadn't the patience to wait until the day that I'd make you mine completely

The day came and went

a date that should've held so much comfort, bliss

now is an anniversary of the forgotten



I spend the days wandering from place to place

seeing your face, your beautiful smile in the passing strangers

I shouldn't feel bitterness towards the lovers walking by hand in hand

yet I cannot yield to the joy



We had always returned home to be with one another...

This was something that I knew to be concrete

solid

broke apart by your words of goodbye

3 degrees of seperation brought us to dance

within the same circles

you captivated my essence from the very beginning



I gave you my world

only to see you leave it

once the better shone its light on you

his name resinates...you certainly repeated it enough

burned itself across the darkness of the room and onto my heart



There was a decisive moment...I have to painfully admit that I hadn't the insight to see it

although it matters not

I will sleep alone

memories only to keep me warm on this night

I write to shield myself from the sorrow engulfing me

it seemingly wraps its illusions around the tenderness of the once toughened soul that I used to possess

I despise what I've become;

the grand pretender, the liar

acting as though everything is right with the world...when it's perfectly wrong

Oh I've let you go... a million times in my mind

proclaiming that to my heart is quite another thing though...

I sleep for dreams, for relief...even if it's momentary

it's all that I have

Pitched your letters, your photos into the fire

thought burning the reminders would set me free

Its amusing really... the flames crackled, laughing in the face of a man torn between making one last appeal

or survive the pride that I desperately cling to

Out of necessity I left for a time

gaining no real perspective of steadying my stance

I've no focus

no turn to take

left behind as you propell forward

effortlessly...

so effortlessly.

You say that you're sorry, so very sorry, for becoming this new person standing before me now

how do I ever reconcile the fact that I brought you to this point of recognition?

Instead of speaking with me, you turned to him

I suppose he listened, well at least more than I

to what you felt was important

I am to wish you well, when all I truly feel is dissipointment in the changes

that we should've gone through together...

Yours was a precious heart stolen from my hands

I have to believe that you'll be back around

someday

perhaps...

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer
Saint Andrews

Dark promises

Hello!
This week I posted 2 blogs, the first is beneath this one.
I wrote them seperately as to not confuse the subject matter.
This one is a fair bit dark, but it's a true, and well worth repeating. I felt as though I'd share it to remind us all that we need to live our lives with integrity, with truth and within the light.
If you ever feel the need to leave this life, seek help. Don't romanticize death or follow anothers ideals, regardless of how stellar the plan seems at the time...

You probably wouldn't recall
remember him all that well
he was of the quiet sort actually
I met him in the basement of a long forgotten place
darkened, dampened by time
natures fury
he noticed the sadness in my eyes
the vacancy in his dark brown eyes drew me in with immediacy
he held his hands out to grasp mine
we clung to each other for months on end
discreetly unified in our mutual dark secret

Until one particular spring morning when he softly inquired as to whether or not
I should want to enter into death along side
not desiring to be alone
readily I agreed
we planned it out,
every sorted detail

He breeched the darkness of the shadows
once
to approach me in the light
taking me aggressively into his arms, kissing me lovingly
mightily
I didn't want it to ever end
I would suspect that he felt the very same way

The day came
I was to meet him in the afternoon
I held no fear
not especially
A phone call caused the lateness on my part
the missed opportunity

He couldn't wait
the bargain having failed him
yet one more significant dissipointment in his young life
he methodically placed the hardened noose around his neck
self tightening its grip
he kicked the ladder, utilizing all of the pent up frustration
all of the regret swallowed
from beneath him
and welcomed deaths release

It wasn't quick
or painless
he suffered falling into death as he had suffered in life

His mother discovered his lifeless body
swaying
part of her died alongside of him that day
her beloved son now ripped, torn from her heart
perhaps that is when I found release from the dark promise set forth

Years would pass before I'd see his face again
we were gathered in a pub when someone remarked at the appearence of a youth staring thru the window panes
I turned to see the familiar face
the hollow, vacant eyes
looking back into mine
I held my hand up to the glass
as he did the same
for a moment
until the glass shattered
disrupting the last connection that we'd ever know...

He came to let me go
rid me of the guilt that I myself could not
with each spring passing I think of what might have been
mindful of what had become of this life

If only he had held on to lifes promise
I haven't been late since
knowing the ramification of what minutes passed could mean

You probably wouldn't recall
or remember

-------------------------

She died in my arms tonight; held securely in the embrace of eternal love
Barely could I even glance down unimpended to study the beauty of her face...not with the tears of sorrow blinding my field of vision.
I felt proud to provide this moment for her;
it was the dream that she held since childhood
When she'd pretend slumber so her father would carry
would hold
I've been her father (figure) not for as long as I'd like, but there are no complaints here. I provided the love that had alluded.
She willingly, eagerly, welcomed me into her life...
What a remarkable life it was! She had lived, truly.
I guided, I taught her to not only hear, but to listen.
To not only love, but to recieve love.
In this, she excelled...
We embarked on our short life together with the honesty of a first love, with the intensity you'd expect from lovers denied
we never afforded time to discourage
or to waylay one single minute
Though older than she, I led with bravado. If this were all that I'd ever know of her, then embrace the essence of her heart with all that is I, I more than fought for.

Her bodies stillness bleeds through my hands as a siv yields to its poured ingredients
make no mistake; my hands hold no dream lost

Should you remark that I realize foolishness in this endevour
than a fool I surely am
Yet I followed the path where it led, grateful for having done so
She filled my life with such joy, brought me back to life- even now as she lye passed in my arms going into the life next
I am to bury her in the gardens
The very Gardens where I made her my wife
She died belonging. Isn't that, in the end what we all strive for?
Dream of?
She was my dream come true...
As I walk through the gardens, still though I miss her, I hold onto no regrets...

From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews

"Lux umbra vicissm sed semper amor" light and shadow by turns, but always love

In the pub, Ethan squaring off with John

"Comfortable John?"

" I am, suits me well enough Ethan. So precisely why I am I here?"

"Because I am am amused. Tell me why on earth did you ever enter into an agreement with McDaniels to seek me out?"

"Money. So who the hell are you?"

"Nice to know that you can be bought and sold"

Brodrick nearly shattered his glass of ale as he slammed it down onto the wooden table.

"Let's not have this become what simply stated is an untruth. My services are not for sale or up for negotiation."

"Says the man who McDaniels bought. Pandering on the side for beer money are we?"

"I'm wealthy in my own right, though I've no need to explain myself to the likes of you Hastings"

"I've already had you investigated Brody. You do quite well for yourself, though I have to admit you could do much better. Short fuse on that temper, investments that are long term...you seeemingly take risks sporatically. Rather dull life if you ask me"

John smirked

"I didn't. And its not. What the hell is your point anyway?"

"My point is, Johnny, that you need to refrain from meandering your way into my business. I've better things to do with my time than see to you and your 'sudden' insatiable need to trouble me."

(John openly laughed)

"Is that what you'd refer to it as? Troubling? You're such an ass Ethan"

"Never said I wasn't. You need to leave this alone"

"Don't think that I will"

"Is that a fact?"

"It is."

"Than aknowledge the warnings. You'd be a fool to become involved with any of us"

"And perhaps you could cease being a prick and drop the elusive conversation"

"Right to the point then?"

"It would be a pleasent change of course, yes"

"I'm a priest, a dark one. Do you understand what I'm refering to?">

"I do, continue"

"Delcan McDaniels stands in my way of procuring our battle. Let's call it a 'test of wills' for the sake of this conversation shall we? I will eliminate him if necessary, should it become apparent that he will not yield to her true nature"

"Sawyers...which is?"

"Yes, of course Sawyers, she is to fight"

"Let me see if I'm understanding you here, you are desiring to fight with a woman? Why the hell would you want to do that?"

"I'm a priest. This to us is quite the honor. Surely you've heard of our kind"

"Of course. Sick, twisted, nutters the lot of you"

"How quaint Brody"

"It's Brodrick"

"Who gives a shit...Brody?"

John leaned over grabbing Ethan by the throat, who in turn recipricated...gasping for air Ethan replied

"Don't....don't...do this...I will fu**ing kill..you"

(also choking)

"You...could try"

(a large man appraoches)

"Is there a problem gentlemen? Should I ring the authorites for you?"

both men allowed the other release

Ethan cleared his throat

"No, merci"

(John)

"You're really pushing it Hastings"

"Likewise. I have to say however, you have gumption"

"You're nothing to me, gumption simply has nothing to do with this. Graehme does. He has his concerns, and quite frankly, after everything that I've seen, I do as well."

"What you harbor is irrelevant. Take the ticket and leave Paris"

"Actually I'd like to return this to you..." John removed the return ticket from his back jean pocket and callously tossed it over (crumpled) to Ethan

"You'll regret this. If it's not myself, than Declan will be the death of you Brodrick"

"Or I will be the end to you. Depends on how you're looking at it...well this has been truly enlightening, but I've got to go"

(John stood up readying himself to leave...Ethan looked up, smirking)

"She'll give in to me you know. It's in her blood"

"I'm simply doing a favor for a friend, your politics are just that, yours. I'd say it was fun but..."

"Leave Paris"

"Afternoon Ethan"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, it's a tad bit short, but I'm writing quite a bit these days...
Enjoy.
Be sure to have a really terrific week. The roses in my rose garden are beginning to bloom it's wonderful to walk through...
Take the time to do the things that you love and don't sweat the small stuff.
The only thing holding you back is you.
GwG

From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews

Also, wanted to thank Marshall Wayne for all of his on going work, and to Michael, Grant and John for their time.
It appears as though we will be ready in May. Great news huh?
SSA