Ultimatums

There comes a point in everyone's life where the choice between right and wrong becomes a devastating yet liberating, cause and effect proposition.
It isn't always with an enemy.
Moments when we face down our own blood...
In the end it is what resides in our personal moral compass that guides us through what, in appearance is a 'no win' situation...

Ethan understood, deeply so, that the product of his life's work was now placed into question
were he to succumb to the unreasonable demands set before him, it saw to benefit only those who would wish him harm
a hard fact to embrace

He pressed on through the airport knowing this trip would be his last.
Wasn't great with family issue
seemed like a colossal waste of time when the parties involved had chosen to play the blame game.

His wife had been slaughtered by werewolves in a foreign country
Ethan's responsibility in this was un adulterated naivety
how was he to have realized the covenants set out by ancestors he had no prior knowledge of?

If nothing else, he'd explain this fact. His sons, more than likely would villianize their fathers quest to obtain the esoteric knowledge
railing against the fact that it cost them their mother
Ethan didn't desire to play the role of negotiator knowing full well of her affair with Blackstone, the illegitimate child she carried
the pain she had caused

Ethan would have to stoically represent himself and pray for the best
'prayer' the thought amused him
how far he had come from the darkness into the light that presently guided his actions
irony believing in one set of values only to have that undermined so utterly complete

At the set appointed time the conversation flowed uneasily
he quietly renounced their ultimatum; that he realized stemmed from immaturity
still he sat and listened with intent
with emotions running terse he felt the less said the better
Ethan explained life as they knew it had expired, they could all quantify their actions or lack there of if they chose to;
in the end, it changed nothing.

His sons glared at him with a deep set hatred
their loss, in their mind, held far more importance than the feelings of a middle aged man.
Father or no' he'd not alter their lives any further

As Ethan meandered off he braced himself for the inevitable; sooner or later these lines crossed would lead to the point of no return
he'd been there himself...he knew better than anyone the cost.
No point in explaining that once one lowered themselves to self righteousness all would turn itself inside out
Ethan simply could not warn, harbor or spare them what was to come next.

His beloved was nearing childbirth
there was little time to covet any negative emotion
he had to stand against things that Ethan hadn't ever conceived he be chosen to do
this, for him, all came down to the procurement of what he had begun to cultivate as a mere child
seeing this through
well, this was the breath in his lungs

His shoulders now relieved of the burden of disapproval held high and broad
The treachery, regardless of what would transpire after the slinged insults
bore no resemblance to him
Inadvertently his blood, his children, had given him the very thing he required to destroy them as they stood.
He grinned.
He smirked.
He began the long trek home.

There were things about Ethan that no one knew...and right now? He threw a battle to win the war.


***********************************************************

Ultimatums are for cowards. It is the adult tantrum thrown to get ones way.
It's getting the final word in an untenable argument.
Like Dr. Phil always says "How's that working for you?"

Bottom line here is for every passage I write I am constantly asked "Is this about me?"
when you assume...
I was given an ultimatum, remove what I wrote or a daughter with drawls her love from her father.
That is when the realization steeps in and you, with immediacy, understand that the love didn't exist, the trust is negligent and the ignorance is ramped.
So in response I say this
it is all fiction.
There may be similarities in situations, circumstance but that is precisely what it is.
My personal views are vested, always have been.

Hope that you're week is a wonderful one, full of excitement not drama
speech that is uplifting
and a comprehension that once you've chosen to hate that which you've targeted will in fact be the tell to your own actions

Thank you Val for the recent edits and kudos on the new job

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer Saint Andrews

The past is in my backpack

She stammered; unsure of precisely what path revealing the truth would place her on. Survivalist by nature, glancing once more at the obvious carnage, Sawyer simply deferred to momentary silence.

Things of this sort did happen from time to time she thought… poured a drink from the cleared out bar, guzzled it down and flatly, without emotion, finally stated “Justice isn’t recognizable less you care to look past the blood I’d imagine.”

The state trooper shuffled his booted feet. Jarrod Hently wasn’t accustomed to baring witness to murder scenes…trepidation swept over his senses…

He rubbed his chin “I’ve two dead bodies here. Now you and I both know you’re responsible…can’t prove it just yet, take the coroners scalpel for that…you plan on saving the tax payers some time?”

Sawyer beamed. “Can’t say that I know of one person who could creep on in someone’s head and cause their brains to implode…you?”

“Your husband is a felon. This is his ex wife and her…what I’d assume love interest.”

“Your point?”

“Seems like you’d have motive. How exactly is it you’d know the manner of death?

Sawyer couldn’t help but allow a smile to pass her lips. “Brain matter mixed in with the exiting blood from said dead peoples noses, ears. Gross, truly.”

The trooper pondered the explanation for a bit “You’re new round these parts eh? Hadn’t seen you ‘fore now.”

“Then how did you know who I was married to?”

“I make it my business to know what’s what, especially when danger marries out of town.”

She giggled. “He threw himself under the bus for a troubled boy…do the same for your son I’d imagine?”

“His son is trash…makes me up for the belief that apples from that tree come about to be falling off as rotten…the lot of them.”

“Well… we’ve no plans to have children of our own so consider the orchard closed.” Sawyer winked to drive the point home.

She hadn’t meant to utilize the ‘gift’, not really. They had become beligerent with her and in the heat of exchange she could’ve sworn one or both had referred to her as a hateful, mean bitch. Possibly there was mention of a whore in that mix. Couldn’t be certain of that before she saw red and snuck quietly into the minds of those who’d see her upset. Hard to be cordial or manage civility when other’s just simply want to destroy that which they don’t understand…

Spring is here! More pages turned, time whizzing by...
make the most of everyday, be someone's hero even if it's just a word of encouragement...

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer
Saint Andrews
 

up the hill

"Mo anam cara"
The quiet promise between us...now coming into fruition;
broad strokes in the opinion of others
(laughing) when did we ever give a damn?
never

We all are who we say we are
whether we put on a face and lie
or
not
it doesn't matter
to the contrary
it is always, always said
all one is required to do is simply listen

Once you own the truth
it becomes your fault in entirety if you follow the hand that leads you down that dark, dismal path

And if darkness is your gig...
surely don't take that first step without extreme strength
complain later

Life slaps you in place of your hosts of friends
giving them the space to appear sympathetic (as they shake their heads in a 'man I told you so' type of way)

There exist an exception;
when both are dark
sharing the deepest of secrets between themselves
the remembrance that binds...ties two together eternally
the pair who see death together as merely a guide into the next realm
laugh at the gore on the road
wipe the blood from their lips...grateful the hunger has subsided
if not momentarily

The surge came
went
but we stood, yes?

No sense in succumbing now...

There is no surrender with stakes so high

It's live or die time
take what was ours back and complete what we began
finish
take on the world...do what they all said could never be

Monsters and men
so they'll remark
you and I know that monsters are men, they do not co exist

And you ran, side by side with me up that hill
no short cuts
no waylays
it was all or nothing
anything goes
go big or go home in disgrace
but that's what we'd become to everyone now eh? A disgrace?
The fallen?
We didn't fall prey to the propaganda
we let it ride
let them think we're pacifist
placate as required
show them later
heaped onto the funeral pyre

Ever came.
Not forever
Ever Matti, ever running up that hill...
she stepped down from the carousel spinning throughout our lives...
shouted our truth to the world

Our pact now complete.


From my hand to yours,
Ethan (Matti) Hastings

"I'd rather smell coconuts"

I never truly wanted to discuss her... much too painful;
horrible to admit that I'd once agree to 'settle'
live without what I had held in my heart since I was a younger boy
to admit well,
 to admit meant I had utterly failed.
I was a prodigy.
I became a genuis.
Didn't occur to me that I could ever be stupid.
But I had been... for years.
  She cleaned the house...her scent was 'carpet cleaner'
her weight ballooned
  she dressed to least impress
the make up ended
the softness became hard;
unmoving
if there were emotion I certainly never saw it...

I was wrong for not voicing my discontent sooner... wanted to scream "stop me from feeling numb" "don't let this go...get to the point where I will shut this door and never turn back around"
But she didn't give a damn.
That day in the car, I told her I couldn't do this anymore. She didn't bother to inquire 'what' because she felt nothing. I wasn't someone to fight for...
I wasn't worth keeping
loving
I hadn't been for the last 15 years.

So I left. Or she threw me out, depends on who you ask.

The last time I saw her I glanced over at her, across the court room and wondered how I could've ever loved her?
How could I have layed with a woman so unattractive to me?
I smelled carpet cleaner couldn't help but laugh at my own stupidity for making things alright when clearly they could never be I chose not to deal with it.
lifted that rug right up and swept it under.

That was the whole of my marriage, have problems, ignore, wait it out and find our back never realizing that the distance became more expounded upon emotionally with each stretch
until we were miles apart and didn't give a damn

And then it happened.
I felt the crushing weight of truth fall on my shoulders like a ton of bricks
I felt the humiliation of failure embarassment for the dark days that I had needlessly endured
  my pride
stubborness
all to prove that I could keep my word but my word was a lie.

I had given that promise to someone else, years before.
I simply hadn't told her the truth about who I really was
whatI used to be and inevitably who'd I again become
I certainly didn't want to own this this tragedy my life had unfolded to be

I closed the chapter
moved on
went back to the origin of where I came from back before I afforded the darkness to take me
opened the book at its beginning and read the story of my life...

It didn't have to be this way
I didn't deserve what had happened
alright, I concede, some of it I had caused... overall we do tend to create our own realities, I could've done better.
I fought back.
Lost a hell of a lot on the way back to join the living.
I'm at peace, I learned that you have to tell the world not only what you want but what you deserve and what you'll offer in return
that you can't be selfish
cannot give yourself to someone who can't truly love you mainly,
if you bury your head in the sand you eat dirt.

In a dream I was offered a coin, to wear around my neck, to take the love of my life and I across the river when we die.
For the longest time I couldn't understand what the dream meant other than the feeling of gratitude for the geld to make the trip.

As I stand here, looking in the mirror, fixing my tie readying to take my place at the altar and marry the woman I should've married in the first place
it occurs to me that the reason I wear this coin with such passion is I found home, I will take her with me from this world and into the next nothing no one will ever seperate us again not time space or the ugliness of my past.

*Thank you Saws for allowing me to post my angst...

Hey, thank you! Every now and again John, or a ghost writer will pop up here, wanting to just take what's been vested and unleash it to the world. Anytime friend, and for the record, I thank the big guy everyday that I do not have carpet or have left anyone with a memory like that one *whew* (I usually wear coppertone lol)
have a great day, enjoy your life *remember that life is too short to dwell in the past, move on live out loud love and be happy From my hand to yours, Sawyer Saint Andrews (and friends, this week) *Photo's do not denote who has written on the blog.