Well what a week of revelations...
I learned alot about how important I am in different peoples lives.
The internal phrase that remains with me is this: "I can't, or I won't"
I have this friend, Marshall...he has this steller view on life, for a young man. I seemingly learn from him rather than the other way around, funny how we effect other peoples lives without ever realizing that isn't it?
I've been woking steadily 13 hour days again...wondering if I'm a suitable match for the world at hand, or perhaps not, perhaps I am merely the Sawyer in my novels just waiting for the time to emerge?
Ah who knows anymore? I sure as heck don't...me not swearing, how amusing yeah?
Well I do possess the capabilty of change...lol
A remark came acrosss my desk..."I never forgot you, you were memorable"
Touching were it not for the fact that I probably was such due to my words, which at the time were in all likelyhood raunchy and unforgiving....
And Robert came to me in a dream...not my editor for those of you who know me well...
He said "girl you came to me broken and you simply didn't fix what was broken..."
Which was a pity, as he is really an attractive man. You think that he could have remarked, wow, I still think that you're beautiful or something wicked awesome...
So having said all of that nonsense, it suddenly occured to me that I really do need to get the glue out of the junk drawer, affectionately refered to as the "no no drawer" because if you asked me if you could go in there to remove something I'd naturally say "no! no! " seeing as how I'd not want to clean up after you once you dug thru all of the junk...
lol
I am tired...can you tell?
Well I did have an amusing antedote come across the wires...
Lets refer to as "The Lord kit" whiskey to drink, a title of Lord, a castle with your families surname...a crest, and no not the toothpaste...
And of course the brogue...
Why not?
wrapped up in a kilt, dagger extra....
It made me laugh, because we tend to package those who surround us...do we not?
we place people of importance in neat lil boxes and shove them under our beds until the need arises
to pluck them out and re-examine their places in our lives...
Never fully comprehending that all of the last time in between
serves no one, whilst serving to harm the others' heart
deep gashing wounds of neglect...
Wow, deep and exhausted... A truth that suits me well enough today...
I'm guilty of such as well...by the by...I try not to be...
So the writing went well...I wrote 2 chapters since the last we spoke...40 pages of solid tell...
it was easy, I felt lost and dove into a place where home is of my making...
Ansten McEwan begins to introduce his family to you, his life unfolds rather naturally.
He is by far one of the most complex individuals thus written about...or maybe this week lol
I'e been writing in the pub again...
love it here
Storms rush into Sawyers life, as she'd tell it...dreams not coming true...
yet she presses on.. why?
because that is who she is...
brave...reckless...still believing that love will wrap its unconditional arms around her...
She poisons Lorcan, King of the vampires, in a unique way, this attributed to her clever thought process and her knowledge of mans inate arrogance...
Once her treachory is discovered, he, rather then beseeching her help for acquistion of the antidote
he rants...
Sawyer simply laughs. She remarks that while she is indeed the daughter of her horrific father, she's so much more than he could ever hope to be...
her father, one of the original leaders of the Dire, Albert Hastings, though murderous, was not she
For Sawyer could do what he and no other before her could do...
I call it the 2 percent factor...
Hence the title "Cross Dominance" a European reference to individuals who are both left and right handed...
Sawyer is the left hand of the Pater Nostras, whereas Ansten rises to become the right hand of the Pater.
Ah! you say...
So much within the tell as I've conitnuelly remarked.
I adore reading a book, setting it down then am left pondering....
Don't you? That is the point of conversation...real conversation that elevates banter into the thread of our woven lives...
I also Introduced a new character 'Robert Hastings' he's actually, in real time, a friend of mine.
He's an assasin...kills with no remorse, no sense of compassion. He spends his time selfishly, never truly comprehending that by taking, and never giving
he is in possession of nothing
and never will be
He 'kills' the love surrounding him by complacent behavior
he allows everyone to leave him
to disengage
never to have faced the words that should be spoken " I am going no where, so don't tag along"
He doesn't fall in love, because in truth that would require the assasin to give of himself
and he cannot...
so he kills
and kills...
until nothing is left.
Don't discourage though, I end his life in the book.
Alright, perhaps I shouldn't have revealed, but there is justice to be had amongst the Dire,
and I felt that even a dark shadow should have light shed upon it
once
at least
and I'm un afraid to do just that...
Yes we're still friends, lol, however I have let go...
reasons, seasons and lifetimes
that is how the people in our lives come to us...
Here now is a request that I am often implored to write...
Its one of the first tells that I ever wrote:
See if you can remember the feeling of when you first read it...
Beneath the white shimmering beams of light streaming effortlessly
onto the gound of night
we danced
this night I danced with the angels
where the clouds lye in peaceful reverence
the deepest respect for their place in nature...
we paused
if not but to hear the thunder in the recess of our minds
only to see you
standing there, stoic
I deamt
the futilty realized, though still...
who was I to know breath of a long lost dream?
the breath of life
Once in a blue moon
I placed your name in a deep purple pouch
if only to kiss the mouth
of the man
whose eyes held the warmth of an angel
You will tell me that love is not something that you could ever believe in;
I respond in kind that I have lost all that I have loved...
And all the while
We danced
because to not dance
is to succumb to despair
to not believe
is to simply notgasp for breath
We danced
together
because love cannot wait
not even for we
your mind cannot give the tell that you will not
it is only your heart that yeilds
in the end...
When your eyes averted
so to did mine
to listen
as we danced, so to did they
the angels
your pause
was merely a non verbal gesture...
for we to hear together their song...
"And they danced...for once in a blue moon true love is found....and we dance in revel...joy of joys that the dream is you..."
he laughed and pulled me closer...
closer to love
closer to him...
and we danced...
From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews
