Dark promises

Hello!
This week I posted 2 blogs, the first is beneath this one.
I wrote them seperately as to not confuse the subject matter.
This one is a fair bit dark, but it's a true, and well worth repeating. I felt as though I'd share it to remind us all that we need to live our lives with integrity, with truth and within the light.
If you ever feel the need to leave this life, seek help. Don't romanticize death or follow anothers ideals, regardless of how stellar the plan seems at the time...

You probably wouldn't recall
remember him all that well
he was of the quiet sort actually
I met him in the basement of a long forgotten place
darkened, dampened by time
natures fury
he noticed the sadness in my eyes
the vacancy in his dark brown eyes drew me in with immediacy
he held his hands out to grasp mine
we clung to each other for months on end
discreetly unified in our mutual dark secret

Until one particular spring morning when he softly inquired as to whether or not
I should want to enter into death along side
not desiring to be alone
readily I agreed
we planned it out,
every sorted detail

He breeched the darkness of the shadows
once
to approach me in the light
taking me aggressively into his arms, kissing me lovingly
mightily
I didn't want it to ever end
I would suspect that he felt the very same way

The day came
I was to meet him in the afternoon
I held no fear
not especially
A phone call caused the lateness on my part
the missed opportunity

He couldn't wait
the bargain having failed him
yet one more significant dissipointment in his young life
he methodically placed the hardened noose around his neck
self tightening its grip
he kicked the ladder, utilizing all of the pent up frustration
all of the regret swallowed
from beneath him
and welcomed deaths release

It wasn't quick
or painless
he suffered falling into death as he had suffered in life

His mother discovered his lifeless body
swaying
part of her died alongside of him that day
her beloved son now ripped, torn from her heart
perhaps that is when I found release from the dark promise set forth

Years would pass before I'd see his face again
we were gathered in a pub when someone remarked at the appearence of a youth staring thru the window panes
I turned to see the familiar face
the hollow, vacant eyes
looking back into mine
I held my hand up to the glass
as he did the same
for a moment
until the glass shattered
disrupting the last connection that we'd ever know...

He came to let me go
rid me of the guilt that I myself could not
with each spring passing I think of what might have been
mindful of what had become of this life

If only he had held on to lifes promise
I haven't been late since
knowing the ramification of what minutes passed could mean

You probably wouldn't recall
or remember

-------------------------

She died in my arms tonight; held securely in the embrace of eternal love
Barely could I even glance down unimpended to study the beauty of her face...not with the tears of sorrow blinding my field of vision.
I felt proud to provide this moment for her;
it was the dream that she held since childhood
When she'd pretend slumber so her father would carry
would hold
I've been her father (figure) not for as long as I'd like, but there are no complaints here. I provided the love that had alluded.
She willingly, eagerly, welcomed me into her life...
What a remarkable life it was! She had lived, truly.
I guided, I taught her to not only hear, but to listen.
To not only love, but to recieve love.
In this, she excelled...
We embarked on our short life together with the honesty of a first love, with the intensity you'd expect from lovers denied
we never afforded time to discourage
or to waylay one single minute
Though older than she, I led with bravado. If this were all that I'd ever know of her, then embrace the essence of her heart with all that is I, I more than fought for.

Her bodies stillness bleeds through my hands as a siv yields to its poured ingredients
make no mistake; my hands hold no dream lost

Should you remark that I realize foolishness in this endevour
than a fool I surely am
Yet I followed the path where it led, grateful for having done so
She filled my life with such joy, brought me back to life- even now as she lye passed in my arms going into the life next
I am to bury her in the gardens
The very Gardens where I made her my wife
She died belonging. Isn't that, in the end what we all strive for?
Dream of?
She was my dream come true...
As I walk through the gardens, still though I miss her, I hold onto no regrets...

From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews