So very much left unspoken between you and I
So much left undone
We lost ourselves long ago, to the past; the last go around
We ended much to soon
for you
for me
I cried when you left...you know?
You were a dream left unfulfilled- it's not something a man readily admits to himself
or others
my voice remains silent
perhaps it's better that way
for you
Even today as I wake, shower, looking into the mirror seeing a mere shell of the man that I once was
'vibrant' they'd remark
fools to not comprend the loss
of you
As I glance around my world today
many friends, a multitude of blessings surrounding my person-
all set forth to inspire me along the way...
this path of mine that I scripted, penned
all those years ago...
My brother brought me home
to heal a bit,
I'd suppose
The unconditional love of a family to remind me of the importance of living a life worthy
and for a time
I felt happy
But to open the door
turn the latch
knowing that you are simply not going to be there to rush into my arms
sinks my spirits
I just knew that we were going to work...I knew this. My heart proclaimed it so very loudly
I hadn't the patience to wait until the day that I'd make you mine completely
The day came and went
a date that should've held so much comfort, bliss
now is an anniversary of the forgotten
I spend the days wandering from place to place
seeing your face, your beautiful smile in the passing strangers
I shouldn't feel bitterness towards the lovers walking by hand in hand
yet I cannot yield to the joy
We had always returned home to be with one another...
This was something that I knew to be concrete
solid
broke apart by your words of goodbye
3 degrees of seperation brought us to dance
within the same circles
you captivated my essence from the very beginning
I gave you my world
only to see you leave it
once the better shone its light on you
his name resinates...you certainly repeated it enough
burned itself across the darkness of the room and onto my heart
There was a decisive moment...I have to painfully admit that I hadn't the insight to see it
although it matters not
I will sleep alone
memories only to keep me warm on this night
I write to shield myself from the sorrow engulfing me
it seemingly wraps its illusions around the tenderness of the once toughened soul that I used to possess
I despise what I've become;
the grand pretender, the liar
acting as though everything is right with the world...when it's perfectly wrong
Oh I've let you go... a million times in my mind
proclaiming that to my heart is quite another thing though...
I sleep for dreams, for relief...even if it's momentary
it's all that I have
Pitched your letters, your photos into the fire
thought burning the reminders would set me free
Its amusing really... the flames crackled, laughing in the face of a man torn between making one last appeal
or survive the pride that I desperately cling to
Out of necessity I left for a time
gaining no real perspective of steadying my stance
I've no focus
no turn to take
left behind as you propell forward
effortlessly...
so effortlessly.
You say that you're sorry, so very sorry, for becoming this new person standing before me now
how do I ever reconcile the fact that I brought you to this point of recognition?
Instead of speaking with me, you turned to him
I suppose he listened, well at least more than I
to what you felt was important
I am to wish you well, when all I truly feel is dissipointment in the changes
that we should've gone through together...
Yours was a precious heart stolen from my hands
I have to believe that you'll be back around
someday
perhaps...
From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews
