Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Dum spiro spero (while I breathe, I hope)
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Finding a needle in a hay stack is one thing....
To capture and retain is quite another, yes?
Here we are with Declan, John and Sawyer in Paris...
(excerpt from Prevenient Grace)
Lying on the pillow next to her, a letter from Declan...
A grand sense of jubilation has come over me; like a breath of soothing warm spring air it fills my lungs...
It seems as though a lifetime many has passed me by since I have felt this way.
Sawyer, I had regretfully begun to believe that it was just a phase of younger years gone by, subsequently the realities of life had set in.
The hurt/pain from loss and struggle that burden the heart and soul buried any of my ability to feel joy. So many years of longing and unfulfilled nights trying to once again reach out and taste of that love I so yearned for...
Yet with each one I realized that I was simply yielding a piece of myself, giving what I should not.
I felt emptier with each encounter...
You Sawyer, you have breathed life into these lungs...you are the blood that courses through my veins with every beat of my heart.
This passion I have not felt in so long has suddenly, unexpectedly awakened inside of me.
With every breath I feel alive again...
Like a young man excited and nervous about this newfound experience, his true love, it is you that has found this love lying wait inside of me.
The love within myself is you,
always with me and in giving myself to you, I am the love inside of you...
We will be one.
Always,
Declan.
Sawyer tearfully placed the letter down, clearly moved by the words...
It's incredibly difficult to freely, with abandon, love a man who had traveled the world, loved so very many beautiful women prior.
Though she inherently understood that her beauty was merely a reflection of his hearts compassion, it was apparent that she'd have to overcome her insecurities.
She wrote in response:
You are my very breath now...
I wished, I prayed for you to enter my life and suddenly you appeared in the most unique of places...
To love you with abandon goes against all my sensibilities yet I find that I am doing just that these days.
How could I not?
You shield me from both the mundane and the darkness of life...
I've no real knowledge of where this journey will take us to, yet I would be remiss not to explore the opportunity set before you and I.
While I do love you, I'm terribly afraid of what that entails.
You and I desire to own it all, take this love and run with it... but what if I am not enough for you?
How then will I survive the breaking of my heart?
I couldn't bear to have just found you to see you walk away from the gift...
From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
(John Brodrick)
I decided to meet up with Declan McDaniels. I know, you're going to inquire as to why I'd burst into his life while he and his love were in Paris.
I have to be honest with you here... I was none to pleased with his treatment of the Saint, in fact it was his son who had informed me of his harsh intent.
The last thing that she required of a man at this juncture.
Yet who was I to remark on this? Certainly I held no vested interest, yet something was compelling me to stand and speak my mind.
He joined me in nearby cafe, annoyed to be taken away from her, even if just for the moment.
This is that meeting:
"Declan"
"No need to get up, your here, I'm here, what the hell is it...boy?"
"I was being polite"
"You can dispense with the bullshit Brodrick. You flew all the way to Paris to do what exactly?"
"So not so friendly now are we?"
"I've pressing matters boy..."
"I'm going to slam your face into the table Mac if you say that one more time..."
"Aye, you could try"
"just might"
Declan laughed "Okay, okay...what brings you to this fine city Brodrick?"
John slid the letter across the table. Declan carefully unfolded the paper and immediately recognized his own handwritting.
"Why do you have this? No, excuse me, how the bloody hell did you get this?"
John carefully eyed his now advisary over...."I walked in and took it. Her response as well."
"Why?"
"Because you're wrong for this...you're using her"
"You've an opinion, an invalid one, but an opinion nonetheless"
"No, I've a mind. One that works well enough thank you. I'd like to know where you get off harming her in this manner?"
Delcan laughed, openly smirking at John
"It's a love letter, can't even begin to imagine how this could possibly do her any harm"
"Really? Because I could. You want redemption. You're using her to get it"
"All of which is none of your business. Last time I checked she belongs to me Brodrick"
"Think so? Really now? Let me tell you something old man, just maybe you aren't the only one after redemption"
"You? Now I know that you're joking"
"Oh really? Care to look in the mirror? I'm younger, I resemble you sure enough"
"Sawyer doesn't care about this, trust me"
"Interesting coin of the phrase"
"Yet true"
"Shall we test the theory out?"
"You'll never get anywhere near her"
"Already did...forgetful in your old age?"
"Meaning?"
"Meaning you left this in your bedroom"
Declan leaned into John, menacingly close...
"If you touched her..."
"I have a tatoo on my shoulder....you?"
"I'm not following"
"You left her quite a bit intoxicated, but I'm quite certain that she'll remember this much"
"You...if you did what you're infering...I'll kill you boy"
John slammed his fist square into Declans jaw. "I said...don't refer to me as your boy. I'm no more your son than your woman. Now as I was saying...."
Sawyer quietly approached the pair, gently placing her hand on Declans shoulder.
"You need to step away Deck"
"You've got to be bloody joking, I'm going to kill him"
"No, no you're not. We're in public and I need to speak with him alone"
"You've no say in this Sawyer, none. Go back up to the hotel room"
"If you press me Declan I'll return to Wasserkupe"
"Sawyer...what on earth could you possibly have to say that I cannot hear as well?"
"I know how you must feel, but I need this time"
(John)
"Allow her to speak asshole"
(Declan)
"I swear, one more word Brodrick..."
"And you'll what Mac? "
"Destroy you"
"ah you'd like think so"
(Sawyer)
"Enough. Leave us to it Deck"
"I'm going around the corner to get a drink and make some calls Sawyer, you've got 5 minutes. As for you Brodrick, consider this not over, not by a long shot"
"You might want to take her advice old man"
"We can do this now, makes no difference to me...boy"
John stood up in anger "Suits me"
Sawyer began to walk away. John took pause, affording Declan the reprieve needed to simply storm off in the other direction.
John promptly caught up to Sawyer and placed his strong hand onto her tiny, delicate one.
"Don't go. I'm sorry for hitting him...he just pushed me too far..."
"Are you through?"
"Yes"
"Fine." Both, in silence returned to the small cafe table and bistro chairs.
John looked her over, not really knowing what to say, where as Sawyer merely glared at him.
John noticed several glasses shattering behind him, falling at his heels, the liquid they previously held spattering his jeans. Probably going to stain them he thought.
"Is that you?"
"Is that me what?"
"The glass?"
"It is, so?"
"So knock it off"
"Not really feeling like it about now"
"You've ruined my jeans"
"They're jeans...buy a new pair"
"So you're angry. Perhaps you should get over it"
Sawyer grinned, in spite of her anger. "I can't believe you hit him"
"Well, he deserved it"
"For?"
"For you"
"You don't even know me. No one does"
"Who's fault is that love?"
"It is what it is"
"Honestly, why is that?"
"Why are you here?"
"I love Paris in the fall"
John smiled brilliantly over at her, hoping to jar her out of her need for vengence...
"It's beautiful, this is true"
"So are you"
"And you're a beautiful liar"
"Think what you like"
"What happened up in the room John?"
"At least you know my name...thats a good start"
"I don't need to know you. "
"Have so many people in your life then?"
"Just enough, yes"
"I broke in. Your body guard was easily bribed"
"That a fact?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"I went into the bedroom, you were sleeping peacefully"
"I had a nightmare"
"Didn't seem so..."
"Finish John"
"I held you for awhile, nothing happened. I'm not that kind of man. I'm honorable"
"So the breaking and entering was soooo full of valour?"
"Cute. It was a neccesary slight. My many apologies. I toyed with your hair, removed my shirt"
"I'm surprised that you got it off, its so tight"
"Ah amusing! Why are you with Declan?"
"So now we reach the point eh? It usually takes less time for me"
"Good for you. Now answer the question"
"Because it was a prayer answered. I follow the Almighties will. Don't you?"
"I'm here aren't I?"
"So you come with a directive, is that it?"
"Something like that, yes."
"Well do elaborate"
"I shall. You don't belong here, or that Wasserkupe place. Come back to Texas with me"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I'm following my path. I have to. It's heavens will"
"Perhaps you need time for reflection"
(Ethan then approaches)
"I'd have to Agree Sawyer"
(Sawyer)
"Ethan"
"Ah so you recognize me, great. Have you told John here who you really are then?"
"Don't"
Ethan sat down next to John, pressing his suit down neatly as he did so. "John Brodrick. So we just keep running into one another, how quaint, and in Paris of all places....Do tell me that you at least flew in first class"
"Is there any other way?"
"Not in my opinion. So who is she Ethan, Pennington or whatever the hell your name is today?"
(Delcan rejoins the group and sits next to Sawyer, places his arm protectively around Sawyer)
"Aye Ethan, why don't you enlighten us all, and before you even venture to mention the priesthood or her affiliations, you needn't bother. Sawyer has been rendered dormant"
(John) "Hence the broken glass"
(Ethan) "She couldn't cease being Sawyer even beneath your iron will dictating it to be so"
(Declan) "You'd like to think so"
(Sawyer) " I think that this is getting ridiculous. I'm sitting right here. (the window pane adjacent to the cafe burst out and fell to the street in large shards of jagged glass) I'm losing my patience. Ethan, what do you want?"
"I require your pressence back in Texas. There is a meeting, my agenda insists that you attend. I believe it is very much akin to your insatiable need to take on a worthy advisary"
(Sawyer) "And you believe yourself worthy of such?"
(Declan) "Sawyer you go to far with this...I'm warning you..."
(Ethan) "You know exactly who I am Saint Andrews. Aren't you wondering how Johnny and I know each other? Let me indulge your curiousity...Declan here sent him to find me. Intel recon I believe. That is what your particular fortay is, isn't it Saint?"
Sawyer laughed, one of the mens glasses cracked on the table. John set it down, the anger beginning to best his senses.
(John) "Declan, why don't you explain what the f*** is going on here! I'm sitting here with two men who look exactly like myself in varying stages of my life and everyone seems to know whats going on but me..."
Declan stood up, promptly slamming a punch into Johns right eye sending him reeling backwards and onto the cobblestone. Ethan laughed to tears as he watched it all unfold. Delcan roughly grabbed Sawyer by the arm, simply dragging her away.
Ethan gallantly reached down and extended his muscular arm to the equally strong Brodrick.
"Perhaps now is the time when we speak truth yeah?"
John reached a comfortable verticle stance and sat back down, rubbing his eye "What an ass"
"I saw his jaw, seems like you had it coming. You didn't touch her did you?"
"No."
"Well now, that's a good thing. Hate to have to provide you with a matching left eye. Does it hurt?"
"f*** you"
Ethan grinned "Do you want to know who she is?"
"It'd be nice"
"My wife"
"No, that isn't true, maybe you're dillusions are filling you Ethan"
"Time will tell, in the meantime, here's a return ticket, I would strongly suggest you utilize it, your plane leaves in 5 hours"
"I leave when I have my answers...."
"There's a pub down the street, I'm game if you are"
"Done."
Sawyer watched from her window as the two men walked from the cafe and down the ancient Parisian street. Delcan turned to her "so there are 3 of us. Care to explain?"
"Two, you invited John into this mess. What the hell were you thinking anyway?"
"I had no idea that he'd figure it out"
"John is religious, of course he'd have some insight as to who I am"
"Sawyer...you have to be careful. Brodrick isn't going to quit. Funny, I don't recall you writing about him. Who the hell is he to you anyway?"
"You're asking me? You're the one who brought him around"
"He's a collegue of Michael's, Graehms... I'm sorry, I never believed that he'd ever pose a threat"
"He knows Michael? Oh Declan...how could you? How the hell could you?"
"What happened between the two of you Sawyer?"
"I saw his markings"
"The tattoo?"
"He must've wanted me to see it"
"Want to discuss it?"
"No"
"We should get you something to eat...Sawyer, will you shower for me...before we gather lunch?"
She smiled...with each item of clothing tossed over at him, Delcans concern lessened...
So they were younger, they hadn't his wealth nor his life experience. He knew this woman, not Brodrick, not Hastings could possibly manage the likes of her.
Declan McDaniels sat on the edge of the bed in admiration...he began dialing the mobile phone to contact his old collegues, Hastings would regret ever coming to Paris, and as for the noble Brodrick? Well that one he'd handle personally...
No one bested McDaniels, no one.
Well that would be where I have to get back to work...
Hope that you enjoyed!
Thank you John for the love letter, well written and much appreciated...
As Michael would say: Thank you John Brodrick...and we very much anticipate more of your prose on this site!
Don't forget who you are, where you're going and your goals. We can all achieve what we set out to do if we put our minds to it...
From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews