He lye next to her, if not to just feel her body pressed up against his.
This provided him a great deal of comfort.
If I had it my way this moment would not be wasted by simply laying next to one another.
Yet it has to be
Because I defined she and I as friends
alone
I did so because through comparison and pre judgement
she simply didn't measure up to my standards.
Though in saying that
there is something that remains
I knew she felt it as well
But hide this I must
For myself, I cannot expose my insecurities or hurt
for her
I promised her that I wouldn't hurt her heart
I did though
Truly I hold regret for this action
However, I wasn't set aware until it was far to late
to make the correction
She suffered beneath me
greatly, at personal cost
quite a difficult thing for a man to bare
Still, I vested
What else could I do?
I apologized, though by her eyes telling
she would forgive, but her heart would stow away from mine
Unless
Unless I did what I never do
expound on the base that I had set out for we two.
I'd have to lay her down again and reach into her pyche
force her to see me
for who I truly am
the man that I could be
with her
I have no plans to do so
nor does she
She's turned cold to my touch
so distant
remote
worlds away
And so I lay there
longing to take her into my arms,
to reveal my love (as a friend) to her
to offer reassurence
comfort the woman that I had harmed
But I said nothing
She knew
realized
long before I
There is a tremendous amount that she holds to her heart
while watching me
dance around
or in this case
lye next to her
I pretended to slumber
it felt wonderful to feel her soft touch upon my shoulders
covering me up from the relentless wind
with her own shirt
amusing
to know that she can't handle a chill
yet she gave of herself so freely
worried for my comfort
it touched me
I don't necessarily live with regret
but she warned me
that she'd become my greatest one
I'm beginning to realize that she just may be right
But my heart tells me that she isn't the one
how could she be?
My intuition has never steered me wrong in the past
why would it suddenly do so now?
How could I know that all of the signals were getting jammed?
I want to be a stay man
I want to be the man that provides an equality in a relationship
but she offers me nothing in return
her judgement of myself
was no less than mine of her
Yet in the night she enters my dreams
and I hers
I want to be there
I want her to love me
with an un fair completeness
how could I feel such with a tender heart of another?
Enforcing my will means that she will suffer
hurt continuelly
I remain distant
I leave her to her life
I don't pursue
I follow the others who would not love me at that uncomprable level
because it is easier
it feels correct
and they do love
I often wonder why it is that she cannot love me?
But if I asked
what would she say?
would it devastate
would I even care at this point?
With so much past us, I can't imagine that I would
However
I wonder
as I lay here
comforted by the feel of her legs entwined in mine
why I speak naught
but we are only friends
right?
*************
The photo shoot for the first release was done over the weekend, wow it was unique!
The talent of the two men was apparent in their work. Thank you John Brodrick and Grant Reid for all that you do!
From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews
