Saturday, March 27, 2010

"Nemo me impune lacessit" Nobody treads on me with impunity...














Hello...just returned from a jog and was sitting on top of the mess, lol
Sure, I could've cleaned up but I was busy chillaxing...
John and I are collaborating on a project. Do you recall the Rafeal series?
It's 3 more books in the Pater Nostras, canis dirus series.
Thought y'all might enjoy to hear more about the werewolves with the incomprable John Brodrick fighting the good fight.
Here's an excerpt from that series...

Rafeal Ab Intitio (from the beginning)

(John Brodrick)

"And I shall stand, here, at the Pleroma Sanctuarie for it was I am called to do by the eternals.
I will not faulter, or fail you. I heed the words of the rendition...in this I am true enough.
Were I to turn and run from the responsibilties bestowed upon me, I'd be no less than the beasts that I raise my sword to.

I have taken possession of the dear Sawyer.

It wasn't an option really...

She'd no' leave the side of Declan McDaniels.

Left with no choice to speak of, I drugged her and tossed her in the back of my auto.

Rather archiac of me shouldn't you think?
Yet this is precisely what I indeed acted out...as an agent of such I will do what I must.

Sawyer protested quite a great deal, on her behalf I applaud the grand effort to stay her course.

Pointless of course.

My temperment doesn't afford this latitude, for her or anyone else.

I am not a man to be triffled with, on this day or any other.

I was furious with McDaniels for his treatment of my person.

Who was he to threaten me?
He had no idea who, or for that matter what I am...

And so you ask, what have I got to do with Sawyer and her life?

I came into her rather abrubtly.

She had been writing about me for years, though she'd not admit this fact to you or anyone else.

She'd have you believe that the tell was all to do with Declan or Ethan.
It wasn't.
One look at me and she knew this to be true.
>Yes, I do resemble McDaniels and Ethan...can't begin to expound on the surreal nature of that fact.

I glance over to her serene face and wonder what all of the fuss is about...
She's no' the glamerous women that I've seen to my bed, yet I am compelled to seek in her what I could not with others.

The Saint is the 'real deal' as they'd remark.

I don't really give a damn what others say, opinion means nothing to me.

I follow my heart, I lead, I do not follow.

So we embark on this quest together, whether she is finding me agrreable or no'.

For the moment we remain friends, in the future we shall see where fate brings us.
One thing is for certain: I will forge forward and erase all memory of these men from her mind.

There is fact and there is fiction.

I am real.
I will take what belongs to me...

And Sawyer belongs to me...


(Declan)
>It was a grave mistake to stop believing in her
Letting go

I bore witness as my life, etched away from the temple we had built to house our love

It was all for naught

I'm a complex man riddled with the regret of vascillation

I had known; realized from the moment of extent that her heart was mine

I held what might have been in the palm of my hand

Fell to my knees as it crashed before my feet

How could I have ever been so bloody foolish?

It's a question that I've no true answer to

No response adequete enough for my soul to realize cure

I've lost her
Foresaken the promise of 'us'

He knew everything...

Brodrick utilized this to take hold of what was mine
>and unlike me he decided to give it his all...

He brought her to Pleroma Sancturie to place her mind at ease...

I will do whatever it takes to find them, and when I do...heaven help that man...

He will not survive my wrath, this I vow....


(Sawyer)


I lay there in wait, immobilized by the drugs coursing through my veins...

I am embarresed that
I afforded John the latitude to 'fix' us drinks.
I openly trusted him implicitly.
That was a mistake, evidently as I lye here motionless.

I don't believe that he means me any true harm...

Yet I grow exhausted in the knowledge that he too, in all probability will exploit all that is me.

I always warn them not to.

They seemingly never pay mind to this fact.

Yes, I effect change, but if your heart doesn't hold truth- you can bet that you will faulter.

It is the backlash to my gifts...

I do wonder if he holds this within his person, though I'd never bother to ask.

John doesn't hear my omission, though it screams through my mind, racing back and forth attempting to fall past my lips.

He remarked that he was removing me for my own safety, that Sanctuarie would serve us both well enough...

I'm not certain as to how I feel about this.

I am about to find out though it seems, yeah?
As a point however, I would like to remark that my mercedes is far better than John's.

Silver is not my color, black is.

Ah well, if one is to be kidnapped, at least he chose the correct vehicle to transport me in.

I suspect that Declan will find me soon and this nightmare will end.
This is a hope that I cling to on this day...

Redemption only comes to me through him, why on earth would John tear my person away from that?

Well, I've been working non stop for days, so I'm hoping that you enjoy this brief blog today....

Enjoy your life;

Don't settle for anything other than the real deal.
Nothing is so shiney, so new so brilliant in glance that it is worth setting aside what your heart truly requires....
From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Dum spiro spero (while I breathe, I hope)



>



Finding a needle in a hay stack is one thing....




To capture and retain is quite another, yes?


Here we are with Declan, John and Sawyer in Paris...


(excerpt from Prevenient Grace)


Lying on the pillow next to her, a letter from Declan...


A grand sense of jubilation has come over me; like a breath of soothing warm spring air it fills my lungs...


It seems as though a lifetime many has passed me by since I have felt this way.


Sawyer, I had regretfully begun to believe that it was just a phase of younger years gone by, subsequently the realities of life had set in.


The hurt/pain from loss and struggle that burden the heart and soul buried any of my ability to feel joy. So many years of longing and unfulfilled nights trying to once again reach out and taste of that love I so yearned for...


Yet with each one I realized that I was simply yielding a piece of myself, giving what I should not.


I felt emptier with each encounter...


You Sawyer, you have breathed life into these lungs...you are the blood that courses through my veins with every beat of my heart.


This passion I have not felt in so long has suddenly, unexpectedly awakened inside of me.


With every breath I feel alive again...


Like a young man excited and nervous about this newfound experience, his true love, it is you that has found this love lying wait inside of me.


The love within myself is you,


always with me and in giving myself to you, I am the love inside of you...


We will be one.

Always,

Declan.




Sawyer tearfully placed the letter down, clearly moved by the words...

It's incredibly difficult to freely, with abandon, love a man who had traveled the world, loved so very many beautiful women prior.

Though she inherently understood that her beauty was merely a reflection of his hearts compassion, it was apparent that she'd have to overcome her insecurities.


She wrote in response:

You are my very breath now...

I wished, I prayed for you to enter my life and suddenly you appeared in the most unique of places...

To love you with abandon goes against all my sensibilities yet I find that I am doing just that these days.

How could I not?

You shield me from both the mundane and the darkness of life...


I've no real knowledge of where this journey will take us to, yet I would be remiss not to explore the opportunity set before you and I.


While I do love you, I'm terribly afraid of what that entails.

You and I desire to own it all, take this love and run with it... but what if I am not enough for you?

How then will I survive the breaking of my heart?


I couldn't bear to have just found you to see you walk away from the gift...


From my hand to yours,

Sawyer



(John Brodrick)

I decided to meet up with Declan McDaniels. I know, you're going to inquire as to why I'd burst into his life while he and his love were in Paris.

I have to be honest with you here... I was none to pleased with his treatment of the Saint, in fact it was his son who had informed me of his harsh intent.

The last thing that she required of a man at this juncture.

Yet who was I to remark on this? Certainly I held no vested interest, yet something was compelling me to stand and speak my mind.

He joined me in nearby cafe, annoyed to be taken away from her, even if just for the moment.

This is that meeting:

"Declan"

"No need to get up, your here, I'm here, what the hell is it...boy?"

"I was being polite"

"You can dispense with the bullshit Brodrick. You flew all the way to Paris to do what exactly?"

"So not so friendly now are we?"

"I've pressing matters boy..."

"I'm going to slam your face into the table Mac if you say that one more time..."

"Aye, you could try"

"just might"

Declan laughed "Okay, okay...what brings you to this fine city Brodrick?"

John slid the letter across the table. Declan carefully unfolded the paper and immediately recognized his own handwritting.

"Why do you have this? No, excuse me, how the bloody hell did you get this?"

John carefully eyed his now advisary over...."I walked in and took it. Her response as well."

"Why?"
"Because you're wrong for this...you're using her"

"You've an opinion, an invalid one, but an opinion nonetheless"

"No, I've a mind. One that works well enough thank you. I'd like to know where you get off harming her in this manner?"
Delcan laughed, openly smirking at John

"It's a love letter, can't even begin to imagine how this could possibly do her any harm"

"Really? Because I could. You want redemption. You're using her to get it"

"All of which is none of your business. Last time I checked she belongs to me Brodrick"

"Think so? Really now? Let me tell you something old man, just maybe you aren't the only one after redemption"

"You? Now I know that you're joking"

"Oh really? Care to look in the mirror? I'm younger, I resemble you sure enough"

"Sawyer doesn't care about this, trust me"

"Interesting coin of the phrase"

"Yet true"

"Shall we test the theory out?"

"You'll never get anywhere near her"

"Already did...forgetful in your old age?"

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you left this in your bedroom"

Declan leaned into John, menacingly close...

"If you touched her..."

"I have a tatoo on my shoulder....you?"

"I'm not following"

"You left her quite a bit intoxicated, but I'm quite certain that she'll remember this much"

"You...if you did what you're infering...I'll kill you boy"

John slammed his fist square into Declans jaw. "I said...don't refer to me as your boy. I'm no more your son than your woman. Now as I was saying...."

Sawyer quietly approached the pair, gently placing her hand on Declans shoulder.
"You need to step away Deck"
"You've got to be bloody joking, I'm going to kill him"
"No, no you're not. We're in public and I need to speak with him alone"
"You've no say in this Sawyer, none. Go back up to the hotel room"
"If you press me Declan I'll return to Wasserkupe"
"Sawyer...what on earth could you possibly have to say that I cannot hear as well?"
"I know how you must feel, but I need this time"
(John)
"Allow her to speak asshole"
(Declan)
"I swear, one more word Brodrick..."
"And you'll what Mac? "
"Destroy you"
"ah you'd like think so"
(Sawyer)
"Enough. Leave us to it Deck"
"I'm going around the corner to get a drink and make some calls Sawyer, you've got 5 minutes. As for you Brodrick, consider this not over, not by a long shot"
"You might want to take her advice old man"
"We can do this now, makes no difference to me...boy"
John stood up in anger "Suits me"
Sawyer began to walk away. John took pause, affording Declan the reprieve needed to simply storm off in the other direction.
John promptly caught up to Sawyer and placed his strong hand onto her tiny, delicate one.
"Don't go. I'm sorry for hitting him...he just pushed me too far..."
"Are you through?"
"Yes"
"Fine." Both, in silence returned to the small cafe table and bistro chairs.
John looked her over, not really knowing what to say, where as Sawyer merely glared at him.
John noticed several glasses shattering behind him, falling at his heels, the liquid they previously held spattering his jeans. Probably going to stain them he thought.
"Is that you?"
"Is that me what?"
"The glass?"
"It is, so?"
"So knock it off"
"Not really feeling like it about now"
"You've ruined my jeans"
"They're jeans...buy a new pair"
"So you're angry. Perhaps you should get over it"
Sawyer grinned, in spite of her anger. "I can't believe you hit him"
"Well, he deserved it"
"For?"
"For you"
"You don't even know me. No one does"
"Who's fault is that love?"
"It is what it is"
"Honestly, why is that?"
"Why are you here?"
"I love Paris in the fall"
John smiled brilliantly over at her, hoping to jar her out of her need for vengence...
"It's beautiful, this is true"
"So are you"
"And you're a beautiful liar"
"Think what you like"
"What happened up in the room John?"
"At least you know my name...thats a good start"
"I don't need to know you. "
"Have so many people in your life then?"
"Just enough, yes"
"I broke in. Your body guard was easily bribed"
"That a fact?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"I went into the bedroom, you were sleeping peacefully"
"I had a nightmare"
"Didn't seem so..."
"Finish John"
"I held you for awhile, nothing happened. I'm not that kind of man. I'm honorable"
"So the breaking and entering was soooo full of valour?"
"Cute. It was a neccesary slight. My many apologies. I toyed with your hair, removed my shirt"
"I'm surprised that you got it off, its so tight"
"Ah amusing! Why are you with Declan?"
"So now we reach the point eh? It usually takes less time for me"
"Good for you. Now answer the question"
"Because it was a prayer answered. I follow the Almighties will. Don't you?"
"I'm here aren't I?"
"So you come with a directive, is that it?"
"Something like that, yes."
"Well do elaborate"
"I shall. You don't belong here, or that Wasserkupe place. Come back to Texas with me"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I'm following my path. I have to. It's heavens will"
"Perhaps you need time for reflection"
(Ethan then approaches)
"I'd have to Agree Sawyer"
(Sawyer)
"Ethan"
"Ah so you recognize me, great. Have you told John here who you really are then?"
"Don't"
Ethan sat down next to John, pressing his suit down neatly as he did so. "John Brodrick. So we just keep running into one another, how quaint, and in Paris of all places....Do tell me that you at least flew in first class"
"Is there any other way?"
"Not in my opinion. So who is she Ethan, Pennington or whatever the hell your name is today?"
(Delcan rejoins the group and sits next to Sawyer, places his arm protectively around Sawyer)
"Aye Ethan, why don't you enlighten us all, and before you even venture to mention the priesthood or her affiliations, you needn't bother. Sawyer has been rendered dormant"
(John) "Hence the broken glass"
(Ethan) "She couldn't cease being Sawyer even beneath your iron will dictating it to be so"
(Declan) "You'd like to think so"
(Sawyer) " I think that this is getting ridiculous. I'm sitting right here. (the window pane adjacent to the cafe burst out and fell to the street in large shards of jagged glass) I'm losing my patience. Ethan, what do you want?"
"I require your pressence back in Texas. There is a meeting, my agenda insists that you attend. I believe it is very much akin to your insatiable need to take on a worthy advisary"
(Sawyer) "And you believe yourself worthy of such?"
(Declan) "Sawyer you go to far with this...I'm warning you..."
(Ethan) "You know exactly who I am Saint Andrews. Aren't you wondering how Johnny and I know each other? Let me indulge your curiousity...Declan here sent him to find me. Intel recon I believe. That is what your particular fortay is, isn't it Saint?"
Sawyer laughed, one of the mens glasses cracked on the table. John set it down, the anger beginning to best his senses.
(John) "Declan, why don't you explain what the f*** is going on here! I'm sitting here with two men who look exactly like myself in varying stages of my life and everyone seems to know whats going on but me..."
Declan stood up, promptly slamming a punch into Johns right eye sending him reeling backwards and onto the cobblestone. Ethan laughed to tears as he watched it all unfold. Delcan roughly grabbed Sawyer by the arm, simply dragging her away.
Ethan gallantly reached down and extended his muscular arm to the equally strong Brodrick.
"Perhaps now is the time when we speak truth yeah?"
John reached a comfortable verticle stance and sat back down, rubbing his eye "What an ass"
"I saw his jaw, seems like you had it coming. You didn't touch her did you?"
"No."
"Well now, that's a good thing. Hate to have to provide you with a matching left eye. Does it hurt?"
"f*** you"
Ethan grinned "Do you want to know who she is?"
"It'd be nice"
"My wife"
"No, that isn't true, maybe you're dillusions are filling you Ethan"
"Time will tell, in the meantime, here's a return ticket, I would strongly suggest you utilize it, your plane leaves in 5 hours"
"I leave when I have my answers...."
"There's a pub down the street, I'm game if you are"
"Done."

Sawyer watched from her window as the two men walked from the cafe and down the ancient Parisian street. Delcan turned to her "so there are 3 of us. Care to explain?"
"Two, you invited John into this mess. What the hell were you thinking anyway?"
"I had no idea that he'd figure it out"
"John is religious, of course he'd have some insight as to who I am"
"Sawyer...you have to be careful. Brodrick isn't going to quit. Funny, I don't recall you writing about him. Who the hell is he to you anyway?"
"You're asking me? You're the one who brought him around"
"He's a collegue of Michael's, Graehms... I'm sorry, I never believed that he'd ever pose a threat"
"He knows Michael? Oh Declan...how could you? How the hell could you?"
"What happened between the two of you Sawyer?"
"I saw his markings"
"The tattoo?"
"He must've wanted me to see it"
"Want to discuss it?"
"No"
"We should get you something to eat...Sawyer, will you shower for me...before we gather lunch?"
She smiled...with each item of clothing tossed over at him, Delcans concern lessened...
So they were younger, they hadn't his wealth nor his life experience. He knew this woman, not Brodrick, not Hastings could possibly manage the likes of her.
Declan McDaniels sat on the edge of the bed in admiration...he began dialing the mobile phone to contact his old collegues, Hastings would regret ever coming to Paris, and as for the noble Brodrick? Well that one he'd handle personally...
No one bested McDaniels, no one.


Well that would be where I have to get back to work...

Hope that you enjoyed!

Thank you John for the love letter, well written and much appreciated...
As Michael would say: Thank you John Brodrick...and we very much anticipate more of your prose on this site!

Don't forget who you are, where you're going and your goals. We can all achieve what we set out to do if we put our minds to it...

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I dare you... here are 3...






When the inboxes/e mails come in so heavily, I dare say that it's tough to respond to all, so bear with me. Glad that you are all seemingly in great admiration of John. He's very sweet to smile for the camera.


This week its on to editing and on to the presses with book 1, let me know if you are wanting a signed copy.


They're limited in quantity, so hurry!


Now if you've been following, Declan is from the novel "Prevenient Grace", where as Pennington (Ethan) Hastings is from the Pater Nostras, Canis Dirus series. John Brodrick happens to resemble a younger Declan, a spot on Ethan. Interestingly enough while at the pub so many people remarked how much John looked like the real man who I had originally pictured. Ah and if you know me personally, than you are well aware of that particular photo. Very surreal to see John, and realize that he has a double in this world, albeit an older version, as I smile sweetly.




So if we're clear, here we go for this week....ready?




(Pennington (Ethan) Hastings)




"Hold your temper man..."


If I hear that one more time...the phrase begins to sicken me.


I chose her, the Saint as my opponent for the pending battles...It hadn't occured to me that there would be external forces attempting to thwart my plans.


Fools.


Worthy, tenacious so was she.


This is why I had sought this time to rise within the ranks of my orginization to stand before them all


and see to her


Like any worthy advisary I researched extensively...


-Wasn't without its own specific difficulties. While she predominately lived openly,


for the better part,


it was the sub text within her novels that brought about the most troubling issue.


I could not assertain by a read alone whether or not it was a toss off or a simplistic bread crumb trail.


Not one, in my humble opinion, to merely write callously, she had to have known what she was doing.


Blackouts were a commonality in our circles, something any scribe would possess keen knowledge of; she held 7 degrees, I would suspect that Sawyer wouldn't negate all sense....


Not while writing,


no, not her.


Her status had been updated.


I knew of her friends, lovers and such.


So who the hell was this McDaniels? Declan McDaniels.


If he were real, than there was clearly a problem settling at my feet.


I googled her blog and there he was. You have no idea how it angered me, well myself and the others.


We were none to pleased yet there he was, larger than life, staring right back at me from the computer screen.


It was Blackburn who first noticed the resemblance.


Ah, if you had been me in that moment you would've been floored.


Either the Saint was one hell of a chess player or we were witnessing something a tad bit out of our control.


In any case, I read his/her words.


She was destroying any equalibrium left to the two groups. I knew of her plans for London...


Was this her way of underscoring any of my senses?


Let me afford you this reveal: I flew into Austin several days ago, first class naturally. Ah, and who should I sit directly across from?


John Brodrick.


It was as though I were glancing into a mirror. For (****'s) sake I thought! At least he maintained the proper build for a man such as we.


I remark we, though he clearly was not 'of' we kind.


No.


In my estimation, he seemed a rather calm, collected business man.


We shared in drink, conversation, though I kept it measured and light.


He had to be completely unaware or one hell of an actor...


Regardless, I compiled nothing in the way of intel.


Frustrating to say the least.


Might I remark however, that the flight attendents were quite smitten with him, drawn to him really - like moth to flame.


Married, very much so, they overlooked me.


Yet there we were, could've been twin brothers.


Yes, Sawyer had clearly out played me.




This time.


*****


(John Brodrick)


Well, well, well.


Yes, I noticed the dark man on the flight.


How could he be ignored?


Ethan was- well, in simplistic terms, in appearance just like me.


Of course, that would be precisely where the similarities end.


As Ethan pressed on with his inquiries, albeit conservative ones laced with marked discretion, I began to realize that this wasn't a mere verbal challenge.


Indeed, he was scoring my measured responses at every turn.


Luckily for me, I'm educated and one hell of an actor.


I had been warned of this man, on many many occasions.


No, I hold no fear of him. None.


I merely had discussed this situation previously with interested parties.


Holding counsel was the general consesus.


Who was I to argue the point?


I held no vested interest, it wasn't me...


Yes, once disembarking from the flight, for me north Texas, I did phone his mobile.




"Oy, aye"


"Hey, this is John"


"Brody"


"Don't, really"


"Wot can I do for you John?"


"I met Ethan"


"How was the dark Laird then?"


John laughed at the slight "He seemed smug, arrogant"


"Aye, well I expected no less ffrom him"


"We three resemble one another...I know you explained Deck, but honestly, to see it with my own eyes...it was unsettling.


Also, you were correct, he attempted to assertain whether or not I had any direct contact with her"


"Aye...and you held your own in this? Yes?"


"I did."


"You were the best decoy to set in place."


"What is this game that you play old man?"


"Ah, ye should be careful my John, you look just like me, wot say you won't appear as old as myself in 10-15 years told eh?"


"Well I don't know Deck, I don't smoke cigars, drink till I pass out..."


"Ah say you. I've seen how beauty tears at your time, how you work until you keel over."


"Well if one should go, it's not a bad way of it, I'd say."


"Spoken like a true Scotsman"


"I'm a Brit"


"American now hey?"


"So you heard?"


"Aye, that I did, matters not tho, it is, in the long run, where our blood derives from."


"How poetic. I have to go Deck, I've business to attend to."


"Is she beautiful John?"


"Yes"


"Fair play man. Enjoy, we'll speak soon enough then yeah?"


"Sure"


"oy aye"


"oy"


***********


(Declan McDaniels)


So the ruse had worked splendidly had it not? I hadn't the time for these games with Ethan, truth be told, the man irked me.


I wanted no part of his madness, nor was I even remotely planning on affording Sawyer any folly in this regard.


She was already fiercely independent and reckless as it were. Och mae I wanted no part of this I say.


I'm to remove her to Paris this week. To not only keep her in my safe keeping, but to continue in my methodical seduction.


Oh, tis a risky propositon with the likes of Ethan and his coherts lurking about, but since when do I shirk in responsibilty?


Graeme has the logistics all worked thru and I am pleased well enough.


I am liking wot she has placed before me these recent days. Suddenly she has made a remarkable change in her dispostion.


It is my belief, my firm belief held that she has decided to relent, relinquish onto my will.


I discussed the prose of this Ethan Hastings.


Sawyer offered her assurences that it wasn't the path decided.


To be on the safer side of the wager, I unabashadley enlisted the help of the extremely talented Mr. Brodrick.


If Sawyer knew (and I am amused at the prospect of such) she'd provide me no less than a few weeks of sulking/hell.


Ah but I'll not be telling her anytime soon yes?


And so I take my leave for the time being, tucking the sweet Saint into my bed, in the chambers that are mine alone.


I keep what is mine, safely shut out- away from the majority.


You may think me to be a wee bit obsessive, but I'd counter with all that I have lost before, this has to be the way of it.


Prior to this my life held no value.


And now, locked deep into the night, in my bed no less, lyes she.


So can you not understand how this personally realizes its esoteric effect on my soul?


I am aware now.


I am aware.


She sleeps soundly on this night....Not so with Ethan.


Perhaps a second thought in my regard would've been a necessity eh?


Why do the yanks persist in this passive mode?


Och mae, I'll never know.


At least in John I found brilliance.


Good bloke that one.


Until the next, I leave you to the mediocricy of life and challenge you to more...to reach, to extend...


One never knows commonality with the extraordinary unless you step out onto the ledge of possibility...


I am supposing that I may double back then hey?


Och, truth?


I want this more than anything...


I am drenched in want.


DM




(Sawyer)


I was never willing to reveal all that much to any.


Why should I?


I have always been verbose whilst vesting my own counsel.


Think for 1 moment that I hadn't quietly charted Penningtons' progress?


I had.


For many, many years long.


I met him once, in an elevator.


He was/is stunning.


I long to play the game with him, and make no mistake, I will obtain the necessary text to squash his dark intent.


As for Declan... I can sense him just past the doors heavy wooden frame.


He desires to breech yet does not.


I am grateful for the reprieve, but it won't last...


I heard from Graeme as we jogged, soaking in the beams of the sun at voodoo pew (Austin) that I am to be taken to Paris in the morning.


I've been.


Don't know how I am feeling about this latest development. I'll afford you some insight into my sensibilities at a later time...


Until then, I'm to lay here- staring at the ceiling...I wish he'd just turn the door latch...


(there is a long pause in the scribes work)


The latched door has begun to move.


I'm afraid that I cannot write further on this night...


I am fearful, but I long to have this conversation...non verbal or no'


For it is one that certainly must occur...




From my hand to yours,


Sawyer


Saint Andrews








Sunday, March 14, 2010

The brave


I don't normally post two blogs so closely in time, but due to the overwhelming response to Declan's words, I agreed to write again...
Thanks again for all of your questions and responses.
John is simply lovely to do this, isn't he?
Well after some thought I offer you a little bit more in the way of Declan's frame of mind...
Enjoy...

(Declan)
"I remark often that I am of the brave. I say so because I live my life in the forward, never really dwelling in the past.
That statement is in direct contradiction to what I've told you prior, yes?
I swirl the warm, soothing whiskey in my glass, place it up to my lips to self medicate.
I was, afterall my wifes life mate- her protector.
It was my honor, my sacred duty to keep her safe, to usher in out later years with the utmost of care and respect- yet I did no such thing. Instead, I immersed myself with rather grand ventures and achievements....
Hell, truth be told I was exceptional at it and all that it entailed.
Ahh but I find myself becoming repetitve...
Forgive?
Her death taught me many things; one of which not to take anything for granted- in particular love.
Now pay attention because here is where the bravery within me resides...
It took everything, and I do mean everything for me to fall to my knees, broken really.
Though I'm religious both publicly and privately, I had never before set myself so humbly at the Almighty's feet.
It hadn't meant as much to me up to that point.
However, to be alive in truth I had to fall, begging for either the ultimate redemption or cry out for deaths demise...
Without divine intervention I'd no' realize faiths fruition. This certainty was as plain as the drink residing in my weary hands, yes?
So I took to it mightily, never for one second thinking that she too had fallen before the grace of light.
But she had.
After everything that had befallen her so to did she bow her head in prayer.
Though she'd subsequently fight me and argue endlessly about the procurement Sawyer indeed relented.
I'd laugh openly at her firm belief that were she to deny my will lightning would strike her in the outdoors.
This deriving from the girl who bore scars from violence...
I could not quite fully comprehend how she had the gumption to choose life over death. Mind you, I never offered her the pity one would commonly afford.
I understood the complexities that led her down such a darkened path, the complicity that Sawyer herself had to own in the cycle of domestic violence.
All the while I privately wished to "fix" her heart.
No one person should ever shoulder such vast pain.
Funny that she'd knowingly look into my eyes and see with immediate recognition the very same in my soul.
I never once saw myself in this light.
Sawyers uncanny ability to cause my emotional walls built over the years to crumble floored me.
Words that I could not readily articulate she easily held pen to paper...
Stripping me of all personal armor. It was her, who she had always been, simply never allowed to 'be'.
I would've chosen death by drink were it not for her tender soul and gentle touch...
I recall following the Saint on one of her 'hikes'...
She'd take the time to touch and realize the texture of stones that had been cast aside, hug the trees and non chalantly jump into the nearby creek bed.
Life was worth living she'd pose...
I couldn't imagine that this was the same individual who had had a gun held to her forehead in threat.
Who was I to than grovel in agony over the loss of my wife?
It all seemed so distant presently, a foot note to this blessing laughing at me stumbling just to keep up...
Sawyer ignited my soul.
My Theresa was beauty beyond captured words...
Yet this?
This was beauty in its most pristine form.
Free, willing...
Well when she wasn't disputing the politics of life with me...
Perhaps you could deny fate- but I had learned, in the hardest of ways that blessings in any form were not meant to be squandered.
I held the Saint, stroked her hair while singing to soothe...
Sawyers amber eyes bore through me.
She understood me.
Each night, in the beginning, I'd leave her, not entirely pleased to know such distance, yet feeling that if I pressed further we'd resort to a far more dominant stance.
Truth?
She'd desired just that.
But to do that would place me in the fully accountable postion, not quite certain if that would be appropriate for our well being in the long run.
I'll be honest, her past angered me a great deal.
I wanted to erase any residue feelings or regret that she might be harboring, inparticularly when that 'lost' look would begin to cloud those soulful eyes of hers...
I'm often asked about her writing, the subsequent novels.
Well, I'd remark that it seemingly provided her with a voice that she hadn't known prior.
There was a latin prose written directly to me long before she knew of my exsistance, allow me to share, if you haven't already read it for yourself:
"Haec ego multis (scribo) sed tibi sat is enin magnum alter alteri theatrum sumus"
I write this not to the many, but to you only
for you only
for you and I are surely enough of an audience for each other.
So you see? She already knew what I did not.
With that said, let me leave you in peace.
While she and I may not appear to be the perfect pairing, it is within our imperfections that we have become a cohesive, unique couple.
We follow no mans path; we forge our own.
Stand aside if you'd wish us ill;
for we are of the brave.
In this, we have found our truest love, in one another."
Declan McDaniels

Well you requested more, and so I provided!
I'm hopeful that now you will have a better understanding of Declan and his mindset.
Declan comes from a place of ultimate grace, redemption.
You may ask if this is real, well I would counter that question with your own dreams, the path that they set you on in your own daily life.
Perhaps we could all utilize a little of Declans passion and depth in our own day to day.
Are we not all derived of the brave?
Who then stands in the wake of realization?

Thank you John, again!
And to Chris, Mac, Marshall, and Ian: it will get better...trust in yourselves...

From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews



Saturday, March 13, 2010

Declan McDaniels




Well what a week huh? I sniffed some copper tone and got it stuck up my nose...lol


Other than that, been working really hard at getting back in shape...


I wanted to share a lil more of Prevenient Grace, my fav book thus far. Yes, I'm still working on all my other projects, however, I found the face to the novel. So let me remark, up front that I thank you John for your support!


This is, (above) what Declan appears as, in my mind, and Pennington (Ethan) as well. I'm afraid that my mind lends itself to Johns appearence, though I'm quite certain that you can completely understand why...


Enjoy the excerpt, and hope it helps you devour the book with even more intensity once it has been released to you.




(Declan)


"I had to leave the party, even if it was for a brief moment...
Sawyer can be a considerable handful, if you haven't already been made aware of that fact.
I wish that I could tell you that it is easier as the time passes, but it simply isn't.
When she realized who and what I was to her she blanched.
I reveled in the fact that I was able to extend myself with such impropriety...


I did so with bravado because that is precisely who I have become, over time.
If you know of me, than you also know that I have had a considerable amount of women.
So why settle on the Saint? Simply put, she was an answer to a prayer.
I believe with all of my heart that it is not for I to question such things.
I stand aside often and watch as she causes yet another stir. There is something to be said for a woman with substance.
My (now deceased) wife was very much like this. I had hoped to die you know? Anything to see her, if not one last time to delcare my love and apologies. I was buried in my work, daily. It was all about money for me. Status and equity defined my every moment on this earth.
I had no real sense of a mans worth until her heart quit beating and I was left to carry on.
I cannot even begin to express the deep sense of loss that began drowning me 7 years ago.
I spoke of it to no one. Why bother? I am no man who desires or requires the pity of others.
I am, afterall, a titan in business yes?


Yet nightly I dove into a bottle of whiskey and fell into the arms of yet another beautiful woman. Faceless they were to me really.


Sawyer has often remarked her inadequete feelings - my past it seems haunts me still. How can I explain that when it comes to matters of the heart none of that matters? That it all falls to the wayside when love steps in?


So by now you must be asking yourself how is it that a man who holds nothing up to chance, that I'd take her merely on fate alone?


Well, in the beginning I didn't like Sawyer. She can be brash, difficult and prone to child like wonder at even the simpliest of things. She challenged me at every turn. I found it to be maddening!


And then, that look of recognition washed over her face. Her amber eyes welled with tears.


She knew. I knew.


What I want to express is this: redemption is a daunting task even for we generals of industry.


I decided, right than and there that she was to be mine.


I'd no' take a decline to my offer, why should I?


And Sawyer, though shoeless and doe eyed succumbed. Nothing wrong with that I say!


So now you know what I look like, and you understand my intentions to their fullest. I have yet to "seal the deal" as you Americans are so fond of saying, but I've plans...


I'm going to refrain from the romantic aspects, I'm quickly realizing that she is fearful of relations, so why make it more complicated for her?


Well, I must return to the party. Its black tie, I was the best man. Lovely day today it was...I tire of being the best man, would find it preferable to be the groom again.


Sawyer is presently inside, breaking everything around her, fearful that I will request her to dance with me.


Yes, I'm going to, and no, I won't allow her to deny me.


That is why she prayed for me...because unlike the other men in her life, I am a father figure to her.


In this, she and I agree.


I wish I fully understand who this Ethan Hastings is and why he seemingly steps into veiw each and every time I leave her to it, but that is another story, better left for another time.


Afford me this much; as I leave you for the evening... find your redemption, find your love, live in your time and love with all of your might.


Like myself, you just may find your prayers answered....I am not only grateful, I'm blessed.


Well be strong, anything else isn't really trying, now is it?"


Declan.




Hope you enjoyed,


from my hand to yours,


Sawyer


Saint Andrews




Thank you much John Brodrick!




Friday, March 5, 2010

broken promises


This is just something I wrote, feeling a lil down and sitting by the fire place...

(Also, not true, before you remark)


I broke every promise to you,

callously so.

There was no intent to place harm on your senses, still I provided with no less than false hope;

subsequent miscarriages of the heart.

I bruised your soul quite effortlessly within my strong grip

You could expect no less could you?

*

You believe yourself to be the the best...

So far from the truth was this.

Quietly, I learned your ways...How you underestimated my capabilities.

With clearity and the truth of it, I moved on.

*

My words hold no value.

Truth? I could've easily loved you. To do so however, I'd have to own the better part of valor.

Still do you deny the lust burning between us?

You'd have me believe that I am indistinguishable amongst men.

We know better than this, don't we?

I'm the man that you reach for in the night...I bring you both pleasure and pain. I provide you with fulfillment all the while with holding emotion.

*

I've tears spent. Questioned your motives a million times over.

Burdened with the sorrow I accutely felt the distance placed between us.

But I grew stronger. I silently rallied against the broken promises spoken in the dark. Your touch left me feeling empty...No, you'd never suffice.

Your inaction never went unnoticed. I wasn't left with want.

Neglect, inconsistancy brought me to illumination.

*

I'm the drug that you seemingly cannot resist, relinquish.

Darlin' I understand that you desire so much more...

You don't hear my omissions, you turn a deaf ear to words never spoken...

*

When I discovered him, thoughts of you rapidly escaped me...dissipating...

You've been left behind as a lesson learned, so hold no concern for me.

Tell your lies to another, for you will be lied to, assuredly.

You were a grand teacher, I the consumate student.

True lust burst you forth into my world, but it is love which displaces you now.

*

I wish you'd wise up, leave me for the better that awaits you.

I'm not going to change.

Truth? Change does exsist beyond what we coveted...here

You have to care enough to realize how little I care.

Til then, I'll look into your precious eyes and tell my lies.

I'll break every promise spoken to you.

*

Tonight was the last.

I cast a smile in your direction, knowing full well that I'm worth far more than your broken promises.

I loved you, but no longer.

I promised that I would never hurt you, perhaps that is the reason I neglected to speak of my love for him..."the other"

*

I left before the light of morning broke through the windows' pane, realizing that it was an eventuality that I'd return.

Like a child to a father...she'd forgive...

*

I waited for his departure.

Showered. Cleansing myself, ridding my body of his empty touch, leaving the memory of him far, far behind.

As father to child, my love awaited my arrival.

I forgave my lover, subsequentlty forgetting him altogether.

Love seemingly over shadows broken promises...

*


Well that was just a thought, hope you enjoyed the lil note a jotted down.

I'm thinking that I'll place this in "Logan Falling" let me know what you think!


From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

hard goodbyes...


Well it was a very emotional, difficult 9 days in the hospital with my mother, but she made it through.

I wanted to take the time to thank everyone who offered their prayers and support to our whole family.

It was wonderful to see my sister and my brother, who were both exceptional towards me and my family!

The moments where we almost lost her was unbelievably hard, but saying goodbye at the airport was a tear jerker. While you wish her off to a better place, you also realize that you may not ever see her again.

You contemplate; did I say all that I should? Did I remember to tell her what a great mom she's been to me?

Did I remember to thank her for all that she did for me? For my family?

I'd like to think so!

One of the truly great gifts I found in all of this was the generousity of the care givers, docs, nurses etc. and of course my siblings support.

My brother gave me something of my fathers, who had passed away 5 years ago. It was an incredible gesture on his part.


So I am still working on the Tagon series...

here is a lil more of his journal. I hope that you are enjoying this as much as I am...


Tagon

March third, 2010


I ran the woods again...food is easily found. It's become rather trivial to me as of late.

I've often wondered how the others have fared, as I've not bore witness to their kind since the Queen came to me and offered me this thing I lovingly refer to as immortailty...

She was of great interest to me, this Sawyer.

I've no idea why she chose me. Perhaps the darker side of her knew a kinship?

Well she left as quickly as she came onto Gevaudan. Maybe this is a good thing yes?

She was quite formidable...

And so today, I long for a mate. Short of changing another, I've no real way of going about it...

That might have been a question posed to her eh?

Ah I don't know, I see women from time to time and I hunger...this woman that I've recently met, well let's just say that my hunger has moved on to pure lust...

True, I saved her life, and at the time it mattered naught to me. But now? Well...I wonder if I shouldn't collect on that particular debt.

I'm sure she'd be willing enough. But to care for another whilst my heart is so deeply blackened? Would it be fair to her? Could I actually love again?

After losing my wife (saphian) I held out little hope for such.

I am hunting later in this day, going to bring her along, teach her some of our ways.

She holds onto this insatiable need to realize all that is me. It is a deadly propostion of this I am considerably certain of. How do I run with her and not kill her in the meantime?

Well I write, in this Sawyer and I am common. I will keep you posted on all that is werewolf as we begin to know one another, that or you will surely recall my life based on what you read upon my demise.

Let us hope that that is not the case. I do not plan on the faulter, I plan to survive the peasants as they would say in novels.

Pitch forks and the like are simply put, not my style. I made a deal with the darkness, suffice to speak that I will see it through.

Until the next we meet,

I am Tagon.

____________________________________________________-


So sorry to make this brief, but I've not much time, must return to my writing!

enjoy your week, live your time well!

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews