Taking all of my air
I breathed him in from the first kiss, sensual as it was
lingering on my lips ever so long
I wanted to tell him that the tears flooding the wells of my eyes were that of fear;
fear of loving someone so incredibly so
that I would've easily lost myself to the moment
I pulled back
saying nothing at all
drowning in the silence
that hung desperately onto the frustration of knowing no true security;
bearing on the cusp of a new
unbridled relationship
We carried unspoken thoughts on shoulders
of who knew better
for that time
and
moment
no one wanting to lose
walk away feeling cheated by time vested
He wanted to rush to California
try his luck
While I wanted to dive into the coast of the East
where I felt at home...
I chased shadows,
you embraced them
the darkness creeping in daily
Tears became fallen memories
ones that I couldn't resolve if I had wanted to...
You let go so easily
stealing what remained in my heart...
I hit the wall
rocks jarred loose fell on top of me
ironically never knocking any sense in me
simply leaving a mess in its wake
It meant nothing at all
as it turned
to be
It was to be you and I forever
Forever lost as I feel the pit of my stomach clutch my senses yet again
standing here
in this heat, pumping gas
on my way out
out of your life forever
Funny how forever turns on a dime
when the circumstances dissolve into nothingness
cept my wings aren't unfolding with laughter
feeling death
in short increments
and wishing that I could break and just fall apart
cease
Ease through the cracks in the pavement beneath the wheels of the vehicle of life
to disappear
where I can't be seen in this manner
forsaking all other's wishing me well
I want to grab your hand and pull you here with me
Still I drive
hoping that everything that I've learned up until now
will lift me through to the other side
of this void
He calls,
voice weary of the inevitable awkward conversation
of
goodbyes
I only desire an apology that I will never hear
He merely wants an invitation for his return
The words don't reflect
seemingly deflect what we should be saying
Why does everything have to be so difficult?
Life was so much easier when I fell in love with E. John lyricist...
and you had Farrah's poster hanging over your bed
Words.
That's what brought us together from the first....remember?
I finished, you polished all the lyrics to our song...
Where did we go?
When did we draw the lines of war?
You affected my reality
in a way that I could not settle
down
Down is just where I find myself
looking up for any kind of help
but that sort
is empathetic to destruction
I'm right here
praying that you'll turn me around
one more call
and I've promised myself that I'll never answer again...
still
I hope that you will...
Tears fall freely
I could never imagine that you'd let me get this far
away
from you
where's the happy ending that you promised?
Sign my name across your heart plays on
as I walk away, again
over and over in my mind
the right way
utilizing the correct verbiage
Realizing that it no longer matters
not really
But it feels better to replay it
the way it should've been
the phone rings
I miss the call
as he slides the drink in my direction, understanding that I may require a distraction to heal
I can't find slumber without you
fighting the facts
that you aren't going to rush back in
when it's obvious that you should be doing just that
We go on deceiving our new lives
as though we have the right
to
when we're lying to everyone around us
He doesn't care
thinking that I'll be here forever
though
I won't
Make it plain
simple
come back...
He wrote a song
it didn't sparkle
but it did touch
and I did remember...
I rolled over and knew that it was my time to leave...
perhaps meet him half way?
From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews
