Malak

Okay, I recieved too many e mails etc. not to respond, so here it goes...

please keep in mind that this is FICTION lol

As I lye next to him, I thought to myself that this was foolish.

He should simply state what was on both of our minds,

clear the air...

I subsequently did so, because being northern and all of its implications

meant that being friends

we are true in this endevour

always

I was never concerned with his judgements, or preconceptions

for as we are up at lands' end

our vests are surely full and guarded

though our speech pattern is open and brisk

I simply afford time to allow the tell to unfold

Laying that close

I could feel the pain residing in his chest

I felt terrible for his loss

yet there was nothing that I could do

to alleviate

except reveal the truth

He has a kind heart, though a bruised soul

he is adored

by many

I imagine that they never took the real time to get to know his truth

how sad I thought

as my legs entwined with his

My heart isn't in stow

it's far removed

I had to

because I'm an all or nothing proposition

hard to live with

I can see

Yet it is a worthwhile journey

to take

I can't bring you to that field

to run free

if you're removed from who you really are

I'm built from bricks of life experiences that most would've faultered

knowing

Yet build I did

it's who I am

but I left windows

tore down the walls

eventually

so there would be no glass

just open breezes flowing in...

You might ask

would I

if he asked it of me

the one who defined the boundries

I would grin

at the assumption that he could set me in a place where boundries held someone such as I

to answer the question however

it would take his all

and than some

Anything worthwhile brings you to the cliffs of reason

and test your resolve

I'm no easy win

I stand

I may even glance

but only would relinquish my will to the man who would truly be Declan

Everyone inquires

remarking that Declan is a massive ego, awful sort

he's not

he simply defies what most women would percieve as beautiful

I was given a photo

sometime ago

graphic in nature

I never saw what he wanted me to

I only noticed his arms

wondered if they were strong enough to hold

Had he asked he'd of known

He asked me why I never look directly into his eyes when we speak

because he'd see me

and I wasn't certain that I wouldn't place harm on him

certainly didn't desire to.

I simply don't give too much away

not so quickly

As he lye there

I felt the very same comfort

missing it now

wondering why I do.

I don't see what everyone else sees in him

I see his heart.

I'm hopeful that another will see him this way

so that he might find peace

As we lye there a photographer began taking pictures

I leaned into him swearing of course

rolling over

not wanting the moment captured

it resignated in our memory

and I believe that that is enough

He has the one word to stop me

should he desire

before I run again,

Malak

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews

Uncompromising friends

He lye next to her, if not to just feel her body pressed up against his.

This provided him a great deal of comfort.

If I had it my way this moment would not be wasted by simply laying next to one another.

Yet it has to be

Because I defined she and I as friends

alone

I did so because through comparison and pre judgement

she simply didn't measure up to my standards.

Though in saying that

there is something that remains

I knew she felt it as well

But hide this I must

For myself, I cannot expose my insecurities or hurt

for her

I promised her that I wouldn't hurt her heart

I did though

Truly I hold regret for this action

However, I wasn't set aware until it was far to late

to make the correction

She suffered beneath me

greatly, at personal cost

quite a difficult thing for a man to bare

Still, I vested

What else could I do?

I apologized, though by her eyes telling

she would forgive, but her heart would stow away from mine

Unless

Unless I did what I never do

expound on the base that I had set out for we two.

I'd have to lay her down again and reach into her pyche

force her to see me

for who I truly am

the man that I could be

with her

I have no plans to do so

nor does she

She's turned cold to my touch

so distant

remote

worlds away

And so I lay there

longing to take her into my arms,

to reveal my love (as a friend) to her

to offer reassurence

comfort the woman that I had harmed

But I said nothing

She knew

realized

long before I

There is a tremendous amount that she holds to her heart

while watching me

dance around

or in this case

lye next to her

I pretended to slumber

it felt wonderful to feel her soft touch upon my shoulders

covering me up from the relentless wind

with her own shirt

amusing

to know that she can't handle a chill

yet she gave of herself so freely

worried for my comfort

it touched me

I don't necessarily live with regret

but she warned me

that she'd become my greatest one

I'm beginning to realize that she just may be right

But my heart tells me that she isn't the one

how could she be?

My intuition has never steered me wrong in the past

why would it suddenly do so now?

How could I know that all of the signals were getting jammed?

I want to be a stay man

I want to be the man that provides an equality in a relationship

but she offers me nothing in return

her judgement of myself

was no less than mine of her

Yet in the night she enters my dreams

and I hers

I want to be there

I want her to love me

with an un fair completeness

how could I feel such with a tender heart of another?

Enforcing my will means that she will suffer

hurt continuelly

I remain distant

I leave her to her life

I don't pursue

I follow the others who would not love me at that uncomprable level

because it is easier

it feels correct

and they do love

I often wonder why it is that she cannot love me?

But if I asked

what would she say?

would it devastate

would I even care at this point?

With so much past us, I can't imagine that I would

However

I wonder

as I lay here

comforted by the feel of her legs entwined in mine

why I speak naught

but we are only friends

right?

*************

The photo shoot for the first release was done over the weekend, wow it was unique!

The talent of the two men was apparent in their work. Thank you John Brodrick and Grant Reid for all that you do!

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews

Ethan Hastings

Wasn't she something to arrive here, at this time?

I hadn't expected it so soon, in fact I felt rather ambiguous about pressing her for more than the prior meeting at the Oasis.

We had eaten together, amongst the others, my friends, family in religion.

I was to be the one chosen and was formally aknowledged at the meeting, which for me on a personal level

quite validating.

Grateful that she had been there to hear it for herself.

Why not? If one man is to be exhalted, to do so amongst others offers a man a great deal of pride.

Perhaps that is what drew her to my offices in the first.

She had somewhat an idea of who I am. Afterall, she wouldn't have been Sawyer without the research would she now?

I looked over to her, remarkably comfortable amongst our kind. She knew us all to well, but this was to be the way of it wasn't it yes? Sawyers comfort zone was amongst her own.

For myself, this is where I thrive; religion aside, the thrill of the conquest being one thing, substantiating it quite another. I held stay.

This she recognized in my person on the immediate.

I held gratitude for that gift.

I wanted to be known by her, relished in her inquisitive mind, particularly regarding myself.

And now she was here, to challenge me no doubt. Neither one of us having a remote idea of what the future would hold for us.

Just recalling the memory of that second meeting brings elation.

Sexy, passionate the both of us, and what would further define we.

She wore a tan pencil skirt, white blouse, no shoes...unyielding to my immediate will, I decidingly to refuse hers.

To get what she wanted however, Sawyer was willing to compromise.

Afford me a bite to her shoulder and she would be afforded a glance at the Grand Grimoir.

Why not?

She'd know our ways soon enough yes?

Her blood tasted rich, soothing really...

I held her in my arms for a considerable amount of time afterwards, reluctant to allow the moment to pass us.

That was her you know?

A contridiction to be certain.

Sawyer didn't flinch, perhaps that is why I knew that she'd be mine at some point.

Standing on the mount, sword in hand, today I fight for what was mine all along.

I will never afford Brodrick his passion, his quest.

Today I slay the man who would see himself take on the Dire, the werewolf...

He knows naught what he gathers in the way of a fight.

He will lose everything beyond this fight he seeks with myself.

Brodrick goes to the summerlands without her in hand...

Ethan Hastings

MCDANIELS

Hi! Haven't written in awhile on here so here goes...
This is Declan McDaniels (an introduction)

I'm not what you'd consider a man who'd necessarily write on Sawyers blog.
However with a bit of prodding, or in truth quite a bit, as she tends to be tenacious...

Sawyer is younger than myself. There was a time when I felt that that would tender an issue for us, but it has been a blessing in disguise.

At least in my mind. Her children are quite wonderful, but the family required guidence. I was entirely happy to offer them this.
I believe that she needed this during the the novel writing phase.

Though I'm no' easy man to contend with, Sawyer does her best to reserve judgement.
She can be graceful when she chooses.
She's the promise of the collection, so I am more than pleased with the return on our relationship.
I brought her to Paris however to alleviate any tension resinating between her and Ethan.

I tell you truthfully that man has been relentless in his pursuit.
He doubted my resiliance to the advances.
If I am anything it is genuine.
I refuse to release what I have found, and believe you me, when redemption came to me in the form of her person
I took hold mightily.

Jack inquired as to why I'd relinquish my cavalier ways, as did several of my collegues...
What is left to be said?
When you pray for the woman, and she arrives, it is a completion. Period.

Paris is beautiful this time of year.
I was able to place my past in the past, as was she, although I have to say hers is a considerable more colorful than mine...

I ran across some older writings of hers, I was genuinely surprised when my name appeared so early on, and a list of my attributes,
I'm afraid that she had me remarkably spot on.

I'm a man of considerable means, though I'd prefer not to be remembered as such. What I'd like to be remembered for is the love that I held for my three children and my enduring love for Sawyer.
I was failing when I met her.

I had a blockage in the artery running through my left leg. I would've died if she hadn't forced me to go to Jack and have the required surgery.
She handcuffed me to the bed until his arrival.
That is the Saint though, yes?

We were never meant for do or die. We were meant for such a higher cause.
She fought me over my stance at first.
Didn't love me. Hell, she didn't even like me.
Said that my reputation troubled her.
It needn't have.

Reputations, our pasts, are just that. Past.
It's what you've accomplished and what you stand for in the present.
Someone remarked to her, prior ro meeting/finding me that this was a 'pipe dream'
I felt her heart break when she recounted that ridiculous conversation.
Who is anyone to judge anothers dreams?

Had I not prayed for her, would she be here now?

I believe in the sanctity of our union.
It's who I am.
I have no need for nay sayers, or men who would propose that they are even half the man that I am. (Ethan for one)

He spoke to her, told her that he held all of my qualities to his vest, mind you.
She understood that in doing so, he does not live in such a manner.
It has never been easy being Declan McDaniels.
When power encompasses your life you must steer steadily, there is no room for variances.

Sawyer asked me, on the day of our marriage, if she could die in my arms.
That is precisely the moment when I understood the depth of her conviction.
I cannot express to you what it feels to have that knowledge within your heart nightly when you lye there
Where you once had to drink yourself into slumber
you now fall gracefully

She rarely sleeps through the night
the scars, the memories plague her.
I hold her, I assure.
I could offer her no less.
I am her husband.

I pondered over what I should write on here. I mean to say who would desire to know of me beyond my immediate circle of friends?
Yet I do so, because Sawyer felt that it was important for her readers to know that I am indeed a real person.
Her manager thought that I was an arrogant s.o.b.
Well, he'd consider me as such when I fired him. There is only room for one man in her life and no other.

Well, I haven't much else to remark on, so I leave you with this:
Don't hedge your bets, play the waiting game.
Life is for living, not as a bystander.
She is the gift of life, and I embrace her.

Declan McDaniels

I did have a list. A fairly long one in fact. I was critisized for it a great deal.
I never wavered.
Why should I?
There can only be one, and he'd not faulter either.
He'd stand, and stand he did.
(with great relief)
Yes he wears a kilt, though mostly suits. And yes he is older than myself, but that works itself out quite well.
Don't ever entertain the thought that you shouldn't pursue your dreams when others would not.
It's never a failure if you attempt.

From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews

The Stay Man

His insecurities held him back.

The necessity of withdrawing from public attention seemed of the utmost importance now.

What else could he do?

To emerge within such public scrutiny had been deemed entirely inappropriate by his long standing friends and peers.

Yet the compulsion to do just that glared back at him from the mornings glance in the mirror.

He'd surely lose her if he did not extend.

But to extend meant to harness what he, simply put, could not.

Opinion had been swayed, ideas formed.

Nothing to do but stare at the phone and hope for the best.

Perhaps she'd return his call.

Possibly she held the same reservations and she too felt lost in the whirl wind of speculation.

He wasn't certain.

He simply wanted it to end.

The waiting was causing stasis to settle in, rather than what he had thought would- chaos.

Instead, his mind had faultered.

He dove into the pool, swimming laps at first, than slowing to a quiet underwater frog-like motion.

He didn't hear the mobile phone beckoning his attention while submerged, and when finally reaching the surface, he couldn't possibly dry his hands rapidly enough to answer, though he made the effort.

He didn't have to read the numbers, couldn't have even if he had tried, no glasses presently donned.

He dialed her number, fearful that she'd not respond.

The endless ringing burned his ear, but still, he did so wait.

It's all that he could do.

On the last go, she uttered "hello" his heart passed on its natural rythm causing him to have to suddenly catch his breath.

"Hi"

"How are you?"

"I'm alone"

"I am as well. I'm not sure what to say here"

"Neither am I. All that I know is that this isn't a home without you baby"

"Everyone knows"

"I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for things to become so far out of control"

"Well they are. I don't know what to do about this...why...how could let this happen? You said, well hell, you promised that you'd protect me from the outside world"

"I realize that. I'm the first to admit that it didn't work out the way that we had planned. I never wanted this for you, you have to know that"

"I can't even leave my home"

"You could. You could come to me."

"But that would mean..."

"I'm well aware of the consequences of this action, but to remain like this, well I can't exactly walk away from you at this point."

"If I come to you, it's as your wife. I didn't want to marry, I really felt like we should wait- should've been able to wait, but now with this happenning-"

"Understood. Let me send a car for you as soon as I dry off."

"Are you in the pool honey?"

"Yes, why?"

"I'm already here. I just needed to know if you were serious about marrying me"

"Who else did you think that I'd marry baby?"

She laughed "I don't know"

"Are you coming in?"

"Turn around"

He turned around to see her standing behind him, on the edge of the indoor pool.

"You look beautiful to me"

"Thank you"

"I've missed you terribly"

"Better have"

"Come"

She dove in and swam up into his yeilding arms. He held onto her feircely, never desiring to release her to the outside world again.

"I'm sorry baby girl, for everything"

"Thank you for that, but pearls would be nice"

"Done"

"You're my best friend, you know that don't you?"

"You're mine, so it works out well"

"We're in this forever"

"Yes we certainly are"

"Any regrets?"

"No, you?"

"Never a one."


Well that is just a thought before I fall into slumber for the night.
Have a blessed week,

From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews

Dive

Just a thought

You shouldn't have gone there;

should't have done that

I wasn't there to halt your actions, nor was I able to remain in your memory long enough to intervene in the thought process that seemingly took over your sensibilities...

It's such a shame

really

Because like you,

I knew the instant it happened.

I deperately attempted to look away, into the other direction

as you slammed into yet another wall.

Living day to day, no course set, will do that to you

I would suppose

We tug and war over the intangible

because no one is quite certain

we've all been harmed

in one way or another

though some continue to further this pursuit

it's not I

who would

They say that we are mirror images of one another

forces of nature bound by the laws of the internal

though one regards

as the other

disregards

I've been here before

It's not home

It's far from it

If you aren't the real thing

Then you really aren't good enough

there is no necessity in settling

no affection worthy of taking three steps backward

you either comprehend where true beauty radiates (from)

or you drown in the shallow

I dive into the depths

I stopped giving a damn...such a long time ago

I knew long before the others

that the strength that I possess meant that I could

even when you weren't near

I could still stand true to the melodic rythm that my heart pounded to

You shouldn't have gone

you should be here...

not one word would have halted me from running to you

to catch you

as you fell

There comes a time when you set it all aside

take a deep breath

and dive...

You just shouldn't have gone

waking up on that side

knowing that I would surely would wake

realizing...

That I too

am gone

From my hand to yours,

Sawyer

Saint Andrews

To make you feel my love

Well it's been a crazy week, lots of rain and working! Happy to do it though.
Well, I've been working on a new project, it's going well, a little slower in pace however.
Guess I'm going to have to step up the pace...
Here's a little taste:

He looked over at his love, wearily.
He didn't want to face rejection on this particular day. He had thought long and hard about what he'd say, how he'd say it...
"What's wrong?"
He sulked "Nothing"
"It's written all over your face, just tell me"
"I need to take a walk, I love this cafe as much as you, but I really need some space"
"Are you angry with me?"
"No, why would you even think so?"
"Your demeanor is a little...well off"
"Just walk beside me baby"
"Sure, where are we going?"
"Why do you always need to know?"
"OKay I don't. Happy?"
"No, I wish you'd trust me with entirety"
"Where is this coming from? You know that I do, I was just asking"
"Well I'm not telling you, now come on beautiful"
The pair walked along the cobblestone. Paris was so incredibly breathtaking this time of year...
The nearby river was still swollen from the recent rains, the trees had begun releasing their leaves recklessly into the wind. She was delighted to be showered by them.
He took notice, hell he took notice of everything that she reacted to...
finally he reached the place where he had intended, the steps of the local Cathedral.
She stood there, stoicly, wondering why
"Are we going to church?"
"Nope"
"Going to tell me?"
"Nope"
She rolled her eyes...
"Okay then what's next?"
"We go in, leave your shoes on"
"Why?"
"Because that's what normal people do baby"
"Oh that."
He laughed, "Yeah, that"
They entered the dimly lit church, she immediately took great notice of all the candles smouldering, the flowers hanging seductively from every arch of each beam...
"What's all of this?"
"Come and find out"
He solemnly took hold of her tiny hand and led her up the altar where a lone cd player lye in wait. He bent down and pressed the botton marked 'play' and patiently waited for the song to begin its melodic journey.
"To make you feel my love" soared through the Cathedral...
Her eyes welled up with tears.
He knelt down on his right knee...
"You know how much I love you don't you?" his eyes searched hers for a reflected truth
"Yes"
"And you love me"
"I do, very much so"
"Will you give your life to me baby? There's nothing that I want more, or who anyone that I will ever want more than you...I found life when I began looking into your eyes."
"Are you asking-"
"I'm asking you if you'll become my wife"
"Yes"
He reached into his suit pocket and promptly produced a beautiful solitare diamond, and in taking her hand into his, nervously placed it on her finger.
"I don't want to wait. He's here"
"Who is here?"
"The priest. Father Sullivan"
"You mean...?"
"I do indeed. It's time for us to began living as one. He is to make this official, if you'll afford me this indulgence"
"I will"
(an hour later)
He raced out, with new wife in tow, happier than he'd ever been in his entire life.
He paused when they reached the penthouse door frame
"It all begins here for us...do you realize that?"
"Do I have to wear my shoes?"
He laughed, with sudden menacing pleasure in his voice
"Not where we're going baby girl"

Hope you enjoyed.
Have a breathtaking week!
From my hand to yours,
Sawyer
Saint Andrews